Learning to Give Myself Grace

This morning I wanted to get up early and be productive.  (I'm gearing up for the new Hello Mornings Challenge where I'll be leading a group.) 


I hoped to be up at 6am, have my quiet time and workout. I even set everything out last night so I'd be all ready to go.

But last night was a long night.  Between checking Matthew and caring for our 14-year-old dog, Twister--who is not doing well at all--I was exhausted.

I reset the alarm and opted to sleep in.

There was a time when I would have felt guilty.  For not getting up early and being productive.

But this morning, I felt like God was speaking to my heart:   I know you were up last night.  I know you're up every night and  I understand.  You're willing to sacrifice sleep to care for Matthew.  And Twister.  That's why I chose you.  Go rest some more.


And I did.

I still had my quiet time. Just a little later.

The workout hasn't happened yet, but the day isn't over.

Twister asleep on my book!

Vacation Bible School and Diabetes--Progress!

This was Matthew's 3rd year having diabetes at Vacation Bible School.  The progress I've seen in him over the past few years is nothing short of amazing.

Matthew is such a smart kid.  Fabulous grades, avid reader, and---perhaps best of all---he's a rule follower.   Very important when you have diabetes!

BUT, before you jump to the conclusion that I have the perfect child, you need to know that Matthew is much more interested in robots than diabetes.

He would rather play Minecraft than count carbs.  The child would rather do anything besides think about diabetes!

Which is why it's such a blessing to see him taking over more of his diabetes management.

VBS and Diabetes Three Years Ago

I would hunt Matthew down at snack time.  Whenever I asked how many carbs he thought it was, he would say "10" every single time.  He wasn't thinking about the carbs at all, "10" was just the magic number for him.  I would help him get a more accurate count, give him a shot and leave.

Fast Forward to VBS This Year

We would start each morning with a visit the church kitchen.  Once we found out what the snack would be, we'd discuss it, make a plan, and he was on his own for the rest of the morning.  He had his phone and could call me if he needed to, but he never did.

He was amazing.  Even the day his group got a different snack than what was planned!

He rolled with the punches.

Made a good carb guess.  Bolused.

His BG was right where it should have been at lunchtime.  I couldn't have done better myself!

Some days I think he'll never learn to take over his diabetes care, but clearly he's getting it and I'm so grateful.

Related Links
Giving Myself Grace
School Year Wrap-Up

School Year Wrap-Up

I meant to do a school-year wrap up.  Honestly I did!

But life happens and quite frankly...I've been trying to spend less time on the computer. (It's been nice!)

It was, however, a great school year for Matthew!  Another year with fabulous grades and he won the spelling bee again.  He even got to dress up like Leonardo DaVinci.  I need to post a picture!!

In the area of diabetes, he was amazing! You might remember that there's no nurse at his school.

(There's a teacher who's a D-Mom  and she was helping him when needed.What a blessing!)

But this year was "transition year" for Matthew and by the end of the school year, he was handling everything on his own.   (During school hours).

It was a rare day that he hard to call for help.

It was a big accomplishment.

He did it!

Now....6th grade, here we come!

I'm Making Progress

Kevin and I love to watch The Biggest Loser.  Although truthfully, the contestants are so nasty this year that it isn't as good.

Anyhoo....after Matthew was diagnosed with diabetes, I would watch the weigh-in part of the show and this would happen:

321
289
178
302
221

On the show, they were weighing people, but all I saw was Matthew's blood sugar.

Every single time.

Until last night.

A 234 popped up and I realized that I didn't think of Matthew's BG.

Oh, I still think about diabetes a lot---that's a requirement of being a d-mom.  It's the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I pray about at night.  I've accepted that part of my life.

But at least I can enjoy a show with my husband and not think about it for while.

Progress!

Another Victory!

Matthew continues to make huge strides in taking care of his diabetes.  And let me tell you....it's a huge blessing to know that he's learning to take care of himself.  (A constant prayer of mine...)

I think I've mentioned before that there's no nurse at Matthew's school.  There is a teacher who has a daughter with Type 1 and she has graciously acted as his "school nurse since Matthew was diagnosed.  Nearly 2 years ago!

But for the past several months, we've been working to transfer responsibility over to Matthew.  The teacher is there if he needs her and he can always call me, but basically he's on his own for lunch.

And he's getting it!

Earlier this week, Matthew said he felt low in English (right before lunch) so he took a tab.

By the time he got to lunch, he still felt low and sure enough, he was 61.  He said he took another tab AND deducted 5 carbs from his lunch meal....just to make sure he wouldn't go low on the playground after lunch.

Couldn't have done it better myself!

I'm really proud of the way Matthew is gradually moving in the right direction.

Sometimes it's so hard to let go and trust him to take care of himself.

I worry about him making mistakes (because I've made a lot!) but I know the only way he's going to learn is to gradually let go.

This is the part of being a D-Mom that really stinks.

Well....that, and the loss of sleep.  ; )

Making Progress

Matthew is such a boy.  He wants to play, have fun, and think about diabetes as little as possible.

I get that.  And I try to not let it bother me.  Especially since he's great about paying attention to how he feels and catches his lows.

But whenever he's at a friend's house and they're having a snack, he'll always call and ask me what to do.

I would love for him to take a more "active" role in his diabetes, but again, I try not to let it bother me.  At least he's calling for help, right?

Well yesterday, he made HUGE progress.

He was at a friend's house and called, but this time it was different.

"Mom, we're having popcorn.  We measured out 2 cups and I already bolused for 8 carbs.  But I didn't check my sugar, because it's only been a couple hours since lunch.  Did I do that right?"

I was completely floored.  "Yes, honey.  You did it just right.  Good job!"

Now that's the way to start a New Year!

Conquering Fears

When it comes to diabetes, I have many fears, but there are 2 that top the list:

Fear #1: Matthew will go low overnight and not wake up.
Fear #2: Matthew will go low while swimming and drown.

This post is about fear #2. 

This past weekend, Matthew was invited to a friend's house and the mom asked me if he could swim.

Matthew has been swimming lots of times....with me.  Never without me.  I started to say no.  And then I started thinking:

Okay Tracy...Swimming has gone great lately.  If he follows a few rules, he can do this.  He really can....

I decided to go for it!

We set rules:

1. Check BG before swimming.
2. Call me.  You'll probably need a starburst to take you up quick, then a fun size snickers will keep you going. 
3. You can swim for one hour.

He followed the rules and did beautifully.  I was so proud of myself for letting him be "normal."

But here's the best part:

At dinner, when he saw his fantastic BG of 112.....with a huge smile on his face, he said, "I ROCKED IT!"

I'll never forget that moment and I'm so thankful that God helped me be brave.