It's been a CRAPPY diabetes day. And for no reason.
Yes, there was a site failure this morning, but for some reason, Matthew's BG wouldn't recover until 5pm tonight. He topped off in the 300s, spending most of the day in the mid-200s. Simply horrible numbers today. Normal food. Normal activity. No reason.
Oh the joy of diabetes.
But today it especially sucks because my parents leave tomorrow and I wanted this to be a fun day.
Instead, Matthew felt bad and had a stinky attitude.
Then I got a bad attitude.
Then mom and dad got frustrated with me. (Though they would never admit it!)
And I do understand. They want so much for me to be happy. For life to be okay.
They live out of state, so I know it's hard for them to see our new way of living. I don't think anyone can really understand unless they see it day in and day out.
And then.....how do you react to the crappy nature of it all? (Checking BG....weighing food...counting carbs....are you low?.....do you feel high?....did you bolus?.....)
But this is our new life. Good or bad, this is it.
Some days? Not so bad.
Other days like today simply bring me to tears.
I hate this disease.
I hate dealing with diabetes AND parenting.
I recently heard of a mom who got very upset because someone at school was making "bunny ears" behind her child.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She has no idea what it's like to check your child in the middle of the night and THANK GOD when the child moves....breathes....snores....rolls over....
Or worrying about kidney damage.....Eye damage....Nerve damage.....
I hate that people don't understand. ("When are you going to stop checking in the middle of the night?")
WHEN IN THE HECK WOULD YOU STOP IF YOU KNEW YOUR CHILD COULD DIE? If you knew all the kids that died this year. Kids with the very same disease?
I hate it when people tell you that everything will be okay.
NONE of this is okay!!
This disease sucks.
It ROBS you of the joys of everyday life.
It will never be okay.
UPDATE: I did not let D win today. By dinner, Matthew's BG was 104 and we made it a great night. Poop on diabetes. And thank you, Sweet Friends, for your comments. I don't know what I would do without all of you!