So the big day is nearly here. Yes, we start pumping tomorrow! Everyone is excited.
But I have a confession to make: I'm getting nervous. My tummy is in knots. I keep thinking "Are we crazy to hook him up to this device 24/7?!" I thought these feelings might hit me tomorrow, but I'm really surprised that I feel nervous already. (I've even cried a little bit and that hasn't happened in a while.)
I guess it's just the idea of starting fresh all over again. As most of you know, I was in "adrenaline mode" the first 5 months after Matthew's diagnosis. I was unstoppable!
Then I hit my 3-month depression phase. I'm not sure how much I talked about it on here, but let me say that I have never faced anything like that before. God pulled me through without medication, but it was discussed at the doctor's office and I was a heartbeat away from grabbing those meds.
And yet I didn't. I'm not against medication, but I really felt like God was going to get me through without it. And He did! But people...it was bad time in my life.
Okay....then the past month or so....I can actually say I've gotten "comfortable" with diabetes. Of course, that's not the right word, but I've settled into a routine and I'm adjusting better. We're in a groove. I'm learning. And it's working.
Those highs that always drove me crazy---I now look at them as "information" instead of something bad. It's made a world of difference. For me. And the boys.
But now.....we're starting all over again. Another big learning curve. I will say, I'm grateful that God has helped me get to the point where I am. If I was still dealing with depression, this would be so much harder.
So....I'm choosing to be grateful.
I'm nervous and yes, there are a few tears.
But God got me through before and I pray He will get us through again.