Friday, December 3, 2010

Thinking.....

Have you read Wendy's post from the other day?

Here is a portion of what she wrote:

I. CAN'T. HANDLE. THE. PRESSURE!!!!!! Over the past few years, I've had to make some trades for those A1c's and averages:
I've traded sleep.
I've gained 40 pounds.
I've screamed at people I care about.
I've lost my sense of organization.
I've forgotten how to make some of my family's favorite meals.
I've lost my train of thought so many times, I'm pretty sure people might think dementia is setting in.
I've forgotten things at work.
I've made silly mistakes in life...like putting my CELL PHONE IN THE DISHWASHER and washing it!
I've seen a direct correlation between the downfall of **ME** and the stability of her A1c's.

Wendy goes on to talk about changes she's made...the results...the need to get things back on track. It really opened my eyes.

When I read Wendy's words, I saw myself: The ugly truth is that I now need to lose 35 pounds. (That's up 15 from the 20 I needed to lose prior to diagnosis. ) I'm exhausted from the lack of sleep and like Joanne, I've aged a lot. Any bit of organization is gone. I never enjoyed cooking before and now it's pure torture. I forget things. I'm often grumpy. (That's tough for me because I'm usually really happy!)

One thing Wendy and I don't have in common---I haven't put my cell phone in the dishwasher! (Yet!!) But I did forget about my piano students one day and that was the final straw that started my 3 month battle with depression.

Anyway, the point is that Matthew is doing great, but I'm paying the price for that. If I keep it up, he'll start to pay the price. That is not what I want!!

So....I'm going to do what I did last year. Drumroll.......I started my New Year's Resolutions in December. Yep, by the time January rolled around, I was ALREADY in the groove. Isn't that smart?! I was training to run in my first 5K and felt great! I was consistent with my quiet time. House was organized. (Pretty much!) We were on a budget.....

Then March 5, 2010 hit and everything went south with Matthew's diagnosis.

BUT I've already started my resolutions for next year. Not really resolutions, but changes that I want to make.

1. I've ALREADY joined a gym AND I'm actually going.
2. I'm ALREADY being consistent with my quiet time and Bible study.
3. I've ALREADY started setting up a budget for next year.
4. We're starting the pump in 2 weeks, so we can be up and running by January. Yes, I'm ALREADY buried in the training manual. It feels like I'm back in college again, cramming for final exams.
5. And finally....I'm ALREADY working to get the house clean so when the new year rolls around, I can get back into my Fly Lady routine.

Does this make the holiday season more stressful? Not really. Making the changes now feels really good. I'm proud of myself.

I'm praying God can help me get back on track.

6 comments:

htimm=) said...

First I just have to say I love the Fly lady! I am proud of you. I think we pit so much pressure on ourselves to be everything to everyone that we feel ashamed when we fall apart. I personally think its ok to fall apart. God is there to pick us up and sometimes the pieces go back together in a more beautiful way.

Reyna said...

Oh girl...I so hear you and have been there...and am still there once in awhile. For the most part though, I have to say I do keep myself, my exercising and cooking on "top priority"...if I slip up there I would be certifiable...well if I slipped up there and without the D-OC I'd be curled up in a ball, in a corner, banging my head against a wall, sucking my thumb while mumbling "mama...mama". You get the picture. LOL

Kudos to you on a fresh start before the New Year!

Hallie said...

I'm proud of you, too! I hear you. It's hard. I feel the same way. Same. Gained weight. Quit exercising. Left our bible study. Cooking? What's that? So, so tired. I was chugging along before D and then it all went in the toilet. I feel like I pay the price for Avery's health, too. And I'd gladly do it. But... I'd like both.

I hope pump start goes well and you that you love it! Good luck! We're here if you need us!

So proud of you! Keep it up!

Stephanie said...

Oh...we have so much in common. I feel like I have let everything go...everything since Adam's diagnosis. I think my husband wonders if I will ever cook a good meal again. I've gained 30 lbs, I feel like crap and I can't seem to get it all together. We are starting the pump soon too! Just because I want to get it "behind us" and MOVE ON. I am making New Year's resolutions for the first time this year...

Wendy said...

I'm just catching up -- thanks for reminding me that I'm not alone!!!!!!!

SO PROUD OF YOU for getting off to a great start in 2011!!!!!!!

I really need someone to help me be accountable for my quiet time -- it's too easy for me to set Him aside!!!! I have GOT to be more disciplined!!

I love that this time of year gives us an opportunity to reflect and start anew...and I'm SO BLESSED to have moms like you to share this journey.

XOXOXO Keep on keepin' on!!!

Jessica said...

hmm, New Year's Resolutions? My New year's resolution is to figure out what my new year's resolution will be for 2011 ;)...Anyways cool post! And I look forward to getting to know more about you and your family, aswell...