First Bookclub Meeting

Matthew and I are starting our own bookclub.  We always read together, but we haven't read a book separately and then discussed it.

I got the idea from Inspired to Action.  A great Christian website that offers practical tips for moms.  Love it.

But back to the story.  Tonight is the bookclub kickoff.  We're going to have dinner at Chick-fil-A or Subway.

I chose the first book:  From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. 

It's a great book about a brother and sister who decide to run away from home and stay at a museum.  Lots of good adventure.

Matthew's going to chose the next book.  He's pretty sure it's going to be Doctor Proctor's Fart Powder.

Pray for me!

FROM Justice

Matthew made a video for Justice the other day.  Justice and his brother teamed up to make one for Matthew.

I think these kids are going to coin a new term.  Not penpals....but videopals! 

For some reason, I can't get the video to load, but here's the link! 

Enjoy!

Hi Justice!

Sometimes we all need a little encouragement.  We heard that was the case for one fantastic Type 1 Kid.  And so.....

Dear Justice,

Hope you enjoy the video of me and Spiny.  (You'll find out what that means!)

From,
Matthew

Always Be Ready....

Here's a pretty amazing blog post that I thought I'd pass along.

The man in the story sure is blessed. 

And Sherry is nothing short of amazing.

A New Day!

Thank you so much for your sweet, encouraging comments.  I LOVE the DOC!  (That's Diabetes Online Community for you non-D folks.)

I think part of my emotional ride was hearing of yet another teenage death due to diabetes.  It was heartbreaking to read her mother's post on Facebook.  I cannot believe Matthew has the same disease.
 
And that is why we check.  Every single night.  And we pray.  And we breathe a huge sigh of relief when they roll over.  Wiggle.  Rustle in the covers.  They are alive!

So many people are misinformed about Type 1.  They think it's all diet and exercise.  They think it's "easy" to manage.  Tracy wrote a great post about this on Tuesday.

I wish more people understood.  I think it would make this journey easier if there wasn't such a misconception about Type 1. 

People don't understand that the very thing that saves Matthew's life could take his life in an instant. 

And as parents, the weight is on our shoulders.  WE are responsible for making the daily decisions....calculations that change constantly.  We PRAY we are one step ahead.  We TRUST that God is guiding our hand.  And we keep putting one foot in front of the other.

BUT enough of that.

This wasn't written to be a downer.  I'm writing to say thank you.  And after shedding many tears and spending some time in prayer, I feel better.

It's a new day.

Diabetes is still here....but so am I.

And I will not give up.

A Big Realization

We went to Sea World this weekend.  And while it was a great trip, in one quick moment, I got a new perspective on my life.

Usually I strive to keep my posts short and sweet.  You people are so nice to read my posts, I don't want to take up all your time.  But today....there is so much I want to write.  I need to write.  I should warn you up front that this is going to be a downer, but I need to do this for myself.  So...just stop reading if necessary.

What was the moment?  We were eating lunch at Sea World.  Matthew had a hot dog and a handful of fries. I knew the hot dog was about 20 carbs...the fries around 30-35.  This would be easy for Matthew to figure out!

Here was our conversation:

Me:  Okay...how many carbs do you think?  (I was excited....I knew he could do this...easy!)
Matthew:  I don't know?  20?

In that moment, the fog of diabetes faded away and I saw my life so clearly. 

1. Matthew does't care.  He didn't even try.  He could have figured out those carbs in a flash, but he didn't want to waste one second of brain power on it.  I'm going to write a full post on this later in the week.
2. And what did I discover about myself?  I realized that I'm an awesome pancreas.  Not perfect--oh I still make a lot of mistakes.  But if I'm doing some major SWAGing, I'm smart enough to check 2 hours later and fix my mistakes.  I've read books on diabetes.  I've become a part of the DOC.  I've connected with lots of D-Moms locally.  I've worked my butt off to learn how to keep Matthew alive and I'm doing a pretty good job.  BUT...I've paid a high price.

So many people have told me that I don't give myself enough credit for managing Matthew's diabetes.  Kevin has said it....friends have said it....this was said at our last doctor's appointment and I found myself in tears.

I wasn't crying because I thought I was doing a bad job.

My tears are because I've learned to be a good pancreas at the expense of everything else in my life.

My body has suffered.  Physically and mentally.  My marriage has suffered.  Our finances.  Friendships.  My relationship with God, while stronger in some ways, is worse in others.  I'm not as involved in school....

Yes, I am a good pancreas, but everything else in my life has suffered.  And I have no idea how to put the pieces of my life back together.

And I don't have time to think about that because there is always work to be done.  Thinking about carbs and ratios and BG numbers and basal settings and supplies and IOB and pod changes and corrections and lows and highs and death (another teen died this weekend from type 1)....

Diabetes is never-ending...all-consuming....

Too Tired for Diabetes

I have always given 100% to Matthew's diabetes.  Always.

But not last night.

Backstory:  I'm recovering from a cold that has really taken its toll.  I feel so run-down.  Kevin has graciously done overnights for the past week, but last night I was on-call.  (Because I am feeling better and now Kevin is coming down with it.)

Anyway, at 2am, Matthew was 191.  We always correct a number that high.  So I'm staring at the meter thinking....I really should give a correction.  But if I correct him, I'm going to have to check at 4am.  Then I'm up at 6am....I can't do it!  I can't! 

Then a brilliant idea hit me.  (Thank you, Lord!) 

Maybe I can say this is a basal test!  It's not like he's 250....It really would be good to know if he goes up from here right?  AND...tomorrow isn't a school day for him, if he wakes a little high...I'll fix it.

So I went back to bed.  No correction.

I felt a little guilty for not giving 100% for Matthew.

But it kind of felt good, too.  I was giving me 100%. 

I got up around 6am, he was 177.  I gave a correction and he was good to go by breakfast.

Now....if I could only determine to give myself 100% when trying to drop 30 pounds....

(But I think this proves that I'm learning.....)

The Grass is Not Always Greener

Yesterday I hosted my monthly Doctor Mom group.  I love these ladies!  It's so easy to look at others and think they have a perfect life.

But EVERYONE is dealing with something.  Take my group for example.

There are moms who have kids with diabetes, crohns, OCD, autism, anxiety issues.  Some kids have been the the psych ward.  Some young adult kids have been in DKA...several times in the past year. 

Some kids have threatened suicide. 

Such is the life of a Doctor Mom, right?

But some moms have kids who are doing amazing!  One mom in particular has a type 1 teen and was raving about how fabulous her daughter is doing. 

Of course this mom still has struggles because her husband just lost his job.

If you're struggling today, please remember that no one has a perfect life.  Take each day as it comes and count your blessings!  They are there....somewhere.

I think that's one great thing about being a Doctor Mom:  We don't take the little things for granted. 

For example, Matthew slept in a little this morning. When I checked on him and he rolled over in bed, I was so thankful! 

Only Doctor Moms fully appreciate the simple gift of life.

New Member of the DOC

It's time to welcome another member to the DOC.  I found Jess on the CWD website.  She's not new to diabetes, but is new to blogging. 

Jess was diagnosed when she was 15 years old and now she's sweet 16.

And get this---her blog is called Faith Injected.  Is that cool or what?!

Pop over and say hi!

Basal Results and Surprises

Well the basal results are in:  Wednesdays results were the total opposite of last weeks.  So....no changes made.  I'll revisit this later.

Moving on...at church last night, they had surprise ice cream sundaes.  Yay!  Uh...not so much.

Tell me:  Why must everything be celebrated with a cupcake, pizza, or ice cream?  People!  It's hard on a d-mom!

Anyway, pizza and ice cream are the 2 foods that really do cause Matthew trouble.  Pizza, we pretty much have figured out, but having it at night is NOT good.

Ice cream is another story.  We rarely have it because the fat always causes Matthew's BG to shoot up at 4 hours.  Instead, we'll go to those fat-free frozen yogurt places around town and the BG is awesome.

But the surprise ice cream was not fat-free.  Nonetheless, we totally rocked it!  At 4 hours, he did go up to 183 (so much better than the 200s/300s we've seen following ice cream) and then he came down.

The one thing that does bother me? 

Events like last night remind me that while I am doing okay, I'm still mourning the loss of Matthew's freedom.

Dealing with diabetes is one thing.  Managing the emotions that go along with it?  That's another story.

The Joy of Basal Testing

We've been really blessed over the past several weeks.  Overall, Matthew's BG hasn't been too wacky.

I mean, it's always up and down, but hey!  He has diabetes,right?

Recently, it's a different story.

Random highs all over the place....with no pattern at all. 

Overnight basal tests back-to-back showed different results!  (Thank goodness I didn't make changes or he would have gone really low!)

I'm going to tackle testing again tomorrow morning...hoping the results are consistent.  He went low today at school.  He was 156 at 2 hours and then went low after that.  I feel pretty confident that it's a basal issue.  We'll see what happens tomorrow.

Thankfully, Matthew is such a good sport.  I never ask him to do a basal test unless it's really necessary.

And people, it's necessary!

The Bloody Mess...

We had changed Matthew's pod that afternoon.  At dinner, his BG was 315.  A quick look at the pod showed blood in the cannula.

We deactivated that one, put on a new one and I left Matthew to take off the old pod.

Then he started yelling to me.  Mom!  Come here!  LOOK AT THE FLOOR!

I'll be honest...first, I thought there was a snake on the floor. (Been there.  Done that.)

Then, when I realized he was standing at the pantry door, I thought water was leaking down from the upstairs bathroom.  (Been there. Done that too.)

But no.....instead blood was spilling all over the floor. Oh goody.

And while the pictures look horrible, Matthew wasn't in pain.  He was pretty shocked by all the blood, but not hurting.

That's when I thought camera!  So I asked if I could take a picture.

As soon as those words passed through my lips, he started laughing and laughing.

So....we got through our bleeder.  Been there.  Done that.

The Reality of Diabetes

I can count on one hand the people in my life who take Matthew's diabetes seriously. 

The rest?  Honestly, they act like it's no big deal.

I wish they could have been with me when this happened.....

Diabetes is hard. 

Never-ending. 

Expensive.

Messy. 

Painful. 

Carb Help for Halloween

The American Diabetes Association has great info on the carb counts in various types of candy. 

I saw it on FB yesterday and wanted to pass it along.  Get your printer ready---it's fantastic!

I don't know about your child's school, but every time we turn around, there's a "candy review" for something!

Here's the link.

I hope this makes the upcoming Halloween season a bit easier!  : )

Artificial Pancreas

I just read an interesting article on the artificial pancreas and thought I'd pass it along.

Type 1 diabetes is one of the most expensive diseases to treat because it is 24/7/365.  Forever.

Unfortunately, the artificial pancreas won't change that.....

Here's the link.