My "REALLY?" Moment This Week

Did you catch Amy's blog last week about her "REALLY?" moments?

Here was my moment yesterday:

We took my parents to the airport. (Boo Hoo!) When we got home, there was a lizard in the house. Well, not really a lizard....one of those little chameleon things. (A lizard in my book.)

Anyway, they are always getting into the house in the summer, but winter? Pretty odd.

No big deal though. I get Matthew, my ever-faithful animal rescuer.

Now, if you know anything about those chameleons, you know they run away FAST. It can be seriously hard to catch them, but Matthew is pretty good. Rarely does one get away.

However, this little lizard dude is mischievous.

Instead of running AWAY, it jumps up and runs INTO MATTHEW'S SHIRT!!!!

REALLY? There's a lizard in your shirt!!!

Well, I'm totally freaking out. And grossed out. And.....Yuck!

Lizards do not bother me one bit---but IN YOUR SHIRT?? REALLY?

While I'm freaking out, Matthew is all giggles.

"Yay! There's a lizard in my shirt! It's running up my arm! It's on my back!"

Giggle.....Giggle.

"I think it peed on me!"

People....the child was BEAMING.

My freaking out escalates to the point where tears are in my eyes. I'm not kidding.

Fortunately, it's Kevin to the rescue! He gets Matthew outside, pulls off his shirt and life goes on.

My heart is racing just thinking about all of this again.

Wish I'd thought to get the video camera.

REALLY!

A Totally Stinky Day

It's been a CRAPPY diabetes day. And for no reason.

Yes, there was a site failure this morning, but for some reason, Matthew's BG wouldn't recover until 5pm tonight. He topped off in the 300s, spending most of the day in the mid-200s. Simply horrible numbers today. Normal food. Normal activity. No reason.

Oh the joy of diabetes.

But today it especially sucks because my parents leave tomorrow and I wanted this to be a fun day.

Instead, Matthew felt bad and had a stinky attitude.

Then I got a bad attitude.

Then mom and dad got frustrated with me. (Though they would never admit it!)

And I do understand. They want so much for me to be happy. For life to be okay.

They live out of state, so I know it's hard for them to see our new way of living. I don't think anyone can really understand unless they see it day in and day out.

And then.....how do you react to the crappy nature of it all? (Checking BG....weighing food...counting carbs....are you low?.....do you feel high?....did you bolus?.....)

But this is our new life. Good or bad, this is it.

Some days? Not so bad.

Other days like today simply bring me to tears.

I hate this disease.

I hate dealing with diabetes AND parenting.

I recently heard of a mom who got very upset because someone at school was making "bunny ears" behind her child.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

She has no idea what it's like to check your child in the middle of the night and THANK GOD when the child moves....breathes....snores....rolls over....

Or worrying about kidney damage.....Eye damage....Nerve damage.....

I hate that people don't understand. ("When are you going to stop checking in the middle of the night?")

WHEN IN THE HECK WOULD YOU STOP IF YOU KNEW YOUR CHILD COULD DIE? If you knew all the kids that died this year. Kids with the very same disease?

I hate it when people tell you that everything will be okay.

NONE of this is okay!!

This disease sucks.

It ROBS you of the joys of everyday life.

It will never be okay.

UPDATE: I did not let D win today. By dinner, Matthew's BG was 104 and we made it a great night. Poop on diabetes. And thank you, Sweet Friends, for your comments. I don't know what I would do without all of you!

The Joy of Pizza and a Movie

BG of 373.

Question for all you pumpers out there:

When your kiddo is going to be sitting for a long period of time (long car ride or movie), how much do you crank up the basal? Do you start when the movie begins or earlier?

Yesterday I increased Matthew's basal by 25% during the movie. I did not start the increase early. Clearly, it did not work.

Now, to be fair, it was pizza at a new place and my carb counting could have been off.

Thanks in advance! : )

Merry Christmas

Just wanted to pop on and say Merry Christmas!

I pray you are all having a wonderful holiday with good BG!

Matthew hit 256 this afternoon. Hey, it could have been worse! At least he came back down and overall things are good. : )

Many blessing to you and your family!!!

An Ornapod!

Look what Laura and her gang sent to our house!!

Matthew was so excited to get this in the mail!!!

For those of you not familiar with Omnipod....Laura and her fabulous kiddos saved all of Nate's old pods and turned them into ornaments. Check out this post to see the fabulous designs.

Aren't they TOTALLY adorable!!

Warning: Matthew wants to save ALL of his and have an ORNAPOD TREE next year!

First Site Failure

Second post of the day here....but I'm trying to be faithful with our pumping start, to here's the scoop.

This morning, we headed to the doctor for insulin adjustments and our first change. All seemed to go great, although when we inserted the new pod, Matthew did complain a little that it didn't feel right. Hmmm...took note, but didn't really worry about it.

11:30 Matthew BG 215. Hmmm....okay. Did correction. Maybe it was all the sitting around in the car, in the doctor's office.....

12:30 Lunchtime. He should be back in range--or at least closer--right? Wrong. 212. Hmmmm...Okay. There was more sitting around....Gave bolus and ate lunch.

2:00 Curious. Checking early. 293. Hmm...it is soon after lunch and he started high. But still....We check for ketones. None. I did have him drink a lot of Crystal Light. Decide to wait a tad longer, check again, then call CDE for advice if necessary. This is so new......

2:45. BG is now 380. Wow. Okay. Call CDE and she agrees that it's probably the site. She tell us to put on a new pod and give half correction. Check in 2 hours. Okay. By the way, Matthew is feeling fine through all this, so that's good. Caught it before any nausea set in...

Well, I neglected to mention, we're not at home during any of this. I was actually trying to START my Christmas shopping. So.... I do that site change------my very first one alone------IN THE CAR. Yep! I'm actually pretty impressed that I didn't freak out. Neither did Matthew.

4:00 BG 281. Yay! Going in right direction.

And after all that.....what are my thoughts on the pump?

I still love it!

But here's the really amazing thing: I didn't get one bit upset at that 380. That 380 was actually a GREAT number---and here's why: It told me there was problem. It was that big, red flag telling me that I needed to fix something.

Yes! I've finally grasped the concept that there are no bad numbers.

(After discussing this with Matthew....I'm adding to this post. As he so wisely puts it...yes, there are bad numbers. He reminded me how bad his 29 was. Definitely a bad number. Big lows are not good. Prolonged highs are not good. But you know what I mean in this post.)

Pumping....What I Love So Far

I know many of you are still on MDI and curious about our pumping adventure. We're only a couple of days into this, but here are some things that I love:

1. No shots! Matthew's favorite part by far!

2. I love the ability to give smaller amounts of insulin. On MDI, I could only dose in half unit increments. This morning, I gave Matthew a correction of .15--completely amazing!

3. Corrections in the middle of the night are much easier. You still have to be careful about the amount of insulin giving...but I don't have to worry about Matthew moving in his sleep while I'm giving the shot. I cannot tell you how many times that sleeping child would roll over right in the middle of his shot---needle half hanging out of him. Not fun, people.

4. I love being able to correct sooner, without an additional shot. Here's what happened yesterday.

Yesterday Matthew's BG was 170. It wasn't time to eat yet, but I wanted him a little lower before lunch.

Thanks to the pump, I was able to go ahead, correct him right then and he was sitting at a great number by the time we ate. I NEVER could have done that on MDI without giving 2 shots. I LOVE that!

5. The pump does that math. Dance of joy!

6. Finally, I love the pump, but I'm glad we waited as long as we did.

Every family is different, of course, so you have to decide what works for you. (If Matthew had been much younger, I'm sure I would have desperately wanted the pump sooner!)

Matthew was diagnosed in March of this year. The past 9 months has given me time to handle this emotionally. I now see how different foods effect Matthew. I feel much more confident in carb counting. Overall, I'm just more ready to handle this new adventure. The timing has been perfect for us!

Our Pump Start

As you know, we took the plunge and started pumping yesterday. And....

WE LOVE IT!!

It all started around 9am when our Omnipod trainer came to our house. His name is Wesley and he's fantastic! Not only is he a trainer, CDE and type 1 himself.....he's also an ordained minister! How cool is that?!

We all sat down around the kitchen table and Wesley helped Matthew program the pump. Yes people---Matthew actually programed the pump all by himself. Kevin and I were so proud of him.

Now....I confess...the night before, I did threaten death if Matthew didn't buckle down and really focus during the training. Fortunately, he stayed right on track. : ) We were really proud!

After the quick set-up, it was time to put on the pod. Easy-breezy. I love that I don't have to see the needle with the pod. Just attach that baby, push a button. DONE! Amazing!

Once the pod was on, we took a BG (blood glucose reading), popped in the carbs for breakfast and Matthew ate breakfast WITHOUT A SHOT! He was so pumped! LITERALLY!!

Sidenote....Matthew started to say a little blessing before he ate, but Wesley jumped right in and prayed for us. I couldn't believe it. What an unexpected gift!

Training was pretty easy. The PDM (personal diabetes manager) is really easy and straight-forward to work. Wesley stayed for about 2 and 1/2 hours and that was it!

Of course, we went out to lunch to celebrate! It was great to take Matthew's sugar, and bolus for the carbs without having to pull out the syringe.

I think one of the things Matthew will love the most is being about to eat more at the end of a meal. When we were on MDI (multiple daily injections), we would count carbs, give insulin, then Matthew would eat. If he wanted more food, he had to take another shot or eat food without any carbs. That "free" food gets old after a while.... Now....if he's still hungry, he can just pop the number of carbs in his PDM and eat extra. He's going to love that!

Last thing, but really important....how is his BG? Not bad at all. Great during the day yesterday, but we need to do some adjusting at night. He still has his usual 8-9pm spike that we need to adjust for. We'll be heading to the doctor in the morning to work on that and have our first site change.

So....that's it. All is great so far.

I feel very blessed.

We're Pumping!!!

Yay! Woo Hoo! The big day has arrived and life is GOOD! Everything has gone beautifully so far and we are so thankful!

I want to write all the details, but I'm just too tired right now. Not just tired. Completely and totally wiped out. It must be some kind of adrenaline let-down or something. As you can imagine, last night I was a bundle of nerves and got very little sleep. So....tomorrow I will give a full update. : )

Oh! And thank you to anyone who lifted us up in prayers. This morning, all my nervousness went away. I was just excited and ready to begin this new journey!

Yay! God is good!

We Start Pumping Tomorrow

So the big day is nearly here. Yes, we start pumping tomorrow! Everyone is excited.

But I have a confession to make: I'm getting nervous. My tummy is in knots. I keep thinking "Are we crazy to hook him up to this device 24/7?!" I thought these feelings might hit me tomorrow, but I'm really surprised that I feel nervous already. (I've even cried a little bit and that hasn't happened in a while.)

I guess it's just the idea of starting fresh all over again. As most of you know, I was in "adrenaline mode" the first 5 months after Matthew's diagnosis. I was unstoppable!

Then I hit my 3-month depression phase. I'm not sure how much I talked about it on here, but let me say that I have never faced anything like that before. God pulled me through without medication, but it was discussed at the doctor's office and I was a heartbeat away from grabbing those meds.

And yet I didn't. I'm not against medication, but I really felt like God was going to get me through without it. And He did! But people...it was bad time in my life.

Okay....then the past month or so....I can actually say I've gotten "comfortable" with diabetes. Of course, that's not the right word, but I've settled into a routine and I'm adjusting better. We're in a groove. I'm learning. And it's working.

Those highs that always drove me crazy---I now look at them as "information" instead of something bad. It's made a world of difference. For me. And the boys.

But now.....we're starting all over again. Another big learning curve. I will say, I'm grateful that God has helped me get to the point where I am. If I was still dealing with depression, this would be so much harder.

So....I'm choosing to be grateful.

I'm excited.

I'm nervous and yes, there are a few tears.

But God got me through before and I pray He will get us through again.

The Cost of Being a Fun Mom

So last night, Matthew does the unthinkable: he asks if we can have pizza. FOR. DINNER.

Let me start by saying that for the most part, we rock pizza. Sure it is 2 shots: one up front to get the insulin going, followed by a second shot a couple hours later to cover the fat spike, but we've never had a big problem. AT LUNCH.

Dinner is a totally different ballgame. (And I'm not athletic!)

But we decide to go for it. Yesterday had been crazy. Kevin is off this week, but he'd been out all day. Painters were at the house all day finishing up some repair work. They didn't finish until 6pm and the house reeked! Getting out for dinner sounded great.

But pizza?

Could I say yes? Could I be the "Fun Mom" who would actually let her son have pizza for dinner?

My brain was racing......Well....we haven't had too many highs....I'll just check and correct....prevent that spike.....

"Sure!"

STUPID. STUPID. STUPID.

Here's the proof.

6pm: 185 (Hmm....higher than usual. I correct and give 70% of insulin for pizza up front)

Eats pizza. Typical amount.

7:30pm: Quick walk around the neighborhood to look at Christmas lights. Me thinking: this will be great for his sugar!

8:15ish: 85 (on the low side, yes, but I know spike is coming....What a smart mommy I am!)

9pm: 185 (I give remainder of insulin for pizza. I'm just so on top of this!)

10:30pm 304 (I'm so NOT on top of this. I correct.)

2am: 322 (I hate pizza. Again, I correct. I also wake him up and have him drink some water.)

4am: 218 (Whew...)

6am: 134 (Not bad.)

Pizza for dinner. STUPID.

Living With Type 1

I recently spoke with the CDE who is going to train us on the pump. He's a legend of sorts around here. He's now married with kids, but apparently when he was a younger, rather rambunctious boy.....he had a pump that he would swing around like a weapon! Needless to say, Matthew cannot wait to meet him!

Anyway, I know very few adults with Type 1, so talking with him on the phone recently was quite enlightening.

He said the hardest part of Type 1 is that it never ends.

He's a grown man, working to support his family....but he still has to check his sugar. Count his carbs. Calculate the appropriate insulin dosage.

He loves to watch his kids play sports! But even then, he's not 100% focused on his kids because the diabetes lurks in the back of his mind.

Vacations are never really vacations. Not for him. He still has to count his carbs. Check his sugar. Calculate the insulin.

You get the drill.

I don't let my mind go down this road very often, because it breaks my heart. It makes me so sad to think that Matthew will never get a break from diabetes.

Every single day.

Every single meal.

For the rest of his life.

He will be thinking about CARBS. And BLOOD SUGAR. And RATIOS. And ISF. And SITE CHANGES. And HIGHS. And LOWS. And A1C numbers.

He will never get a break.

Let's all pray for a cure. (Before the college years would be great!)

Guess What?!

I slept for 6 hours straight. A whole 6 hours!

Kevin and I have gotten on a routine where we'll take turns checking Matthew three nights in a row. It works great, but I always wake up when I hear Kevin go check. Then I won't fall back asleep until he comes back and I find out the number. So.....I never sleep through the night. Not really on purpose.....I can't help it.

But not last night, baby! Kevin said this was the first time since diagnosis (March!) that I didn't ask him what the number was because I was fast asleep. He couldn't believe it. Me either!

I will confess...I woke up at 4am in a total panic because I thought Kevin had slept through....and Matthew had been running low.....but no worries.

Kevin had checked.
Matthew was great.
And I had been sleeping.

Did you read that, People?!

I WAS SLEEPING!

Yay!

Thinking.....

Have you read Wendy's post from the other day?

Here is a portion of what she wrote:

I. CAN'T. HANDLE. THE. PRESSURE!!!!!! Over the past few years, I've had to make some trades for those A1c's and averages:
I've traded sleep.
I've gained 40 pounds.
I've screamed at people I care about.
I've lost my sense of organization.
I've forgotten how to make some of my family's favorite meals.
I've lost my train of thought so many times, I'm pretty sure people might think dementia is setting in.
I've forgotten things at work.
I've made silly mistakes in life...like putting my CELL PHONE IN THE DISHWASHER and washing it!
I've seen a direct correlation between the downfall of **ME** and the stability of her A1c's.

Wendy goes on to talk about changes she's made...the results...the need to get things back on track. It really opened my eyes.

When I read Wendy's words, I saw myself: The ugly truth is that I now need to lose 35 pounds. (That's up 15 from the 20 I needed to lose prior to diagnosis. ) I'm exhausted from the lack of sleep and like Joanne, I've aged a lot. Any bit of organization is gone. I never enjoyed cooking before and now it's pure torture. I forget things. I'm often grumpy. (That's tough for me because I'm usually really happy!)

One thing Wendy and I don't have in common---I haven't put my cell phone in the dishwasher! (Yet!!) But I did forget about my piano students one day and that was the final straw that started my 3 month battle with depression.

Anyway, the point is that Matthew is doing great, but I'm paying the price for that. If I keep it up, he'll start to pay the price. That is not what I want!!

So....I'm going to do what I did last year. Drumroll.......I started my New Year's Resolutions in December. Yep, by the time January rolled around, I was ALREADY in the groove. Isn't that smart?! I was training to run in my first 5K and felt great! I was consistent with my quiet time. House was organized. (Pretty much!) We were on a budget.....

Then March 5, 2010 hit and everything went south with Matthew's diagnosis.

BUT I've already started my resolutions for next year. Not really resolutions, but changes that I want to make.

1. I've ALREADY joined a gym AND I'm actually going.
2. I'm ALREADY being consistent with my quiet time and Bible study.
3. I've ALREADY started setting up a budget for next year.
4. We're starting the pump in 2 weeks, so we can be up and running by January. Yes, I'm ALREADY buried in the training manual. It feels like I'm back in college again, cramming for final exams.
5. And finally....I'm ALREADY working to get the house clean so when the new year rolls around, I can get back into my Fly Lady routine.

Does this make the holiday season more stressful? Not really. Making the changes now feels really good. I'm proud of myself.

I'm praying God can help me get back on track.

Pump Countdown

Yes, most families are counting down the days until Christmas (we are too!)

But in our house, we're adding in the "Pump Countdown!" Two weeks from today, we start.

I'll be honest, though....I'm getting a little nervous. I'm so happy about the freedom it will give Matthew. Being able to eat without a shot is going to be awesome for him! Isn't it amazing the things we take for granted?

Sometimes it just freaks me out a little to think that we're going to have a device hooked to him that will continuously give him insulin. I mean, it's good.....because without insulin he would die. But too much insulin will kill him. It's such a fine line to walk.

And there's no end. This is 24/7. Forever.

Sometimes I'm not as brave as I look.

Thank goodness Matthew is much braver than he looks!