My "REALLY?" Moment This Week

Did you catch Amy's blog last week about her "REALLY?" moments?

Here was my moment yesterday:

We took my parents to the airport. (Boo Hoo!) When we got home, there was a lizard in the house. Well, not really a lizard....one of those little chameleon things. (A lizard in my book.)

Anyway, they are always getting into the house in the summer, but winter? Pretty odd.

No big deal though. I get Matthew, my ever-faithful animal rescuer.

Now, if you know anything about those chameleons, you know they run away FAST. It can be seriously hard to catch them, but Matthew is pretty good. Rarely does one get away.

However, this little lizard dude is mischievous.

Instead of running AWAY, it jumps up and runs INTO MATTHEW'S SHIRT!!!!

REALLY? There's a lizard in your shirt!!!

Well, I'm totally freaking out. And grossed out. And.....Yuck!

Lizards do not bother me one bit---but IN YOUR SHIRT?? REALLY?

While I'm freaking out, Matthew is all giggles.

"Yay! There's a lizard in my shirt! It's running up my arm! It's on my back!"

Giggle.....Giggle.

"I think it peed on me!"

People....the child was BEAMING.

My freaking out escalates to the point where tears are in my eyes. I'm not kidding.

Fortunately, it's Kevin to the rescue! He gets Matthew outside, pulls off his shirt and life goes on.

My heart is racing just thinking about all of this again.

Wish I'd thought to get the video camera.

REALLY!

A Totally Stinky Day

It's been a CRAPPY diabetes day. And for no reason.

Yes, there was a site failure this morning, but for some reason, Matthew's BG wouldn't recover until 5pm tonight. He topped off in the 300s, spending most of the day in the mid-200s. Simply horrible numbers today. Normal food. Normal activity. No reason.

Oh the joy of diabetes.

But today it especially sucks because my parents leave tomorrow and I wanted this to be a fun day.

Instead, Matthew felt bad and had a stinky attitude.

Then I got a bad attitude.

Then mom and dad got frustrated with me. (Though they would never admit it!)

And I do understand. They want so much for me to be happy. For life to be okay.

They live out of state, so I know it's hard for them to see our new way of living. I don't think anyone can really understand unless they see it day in and day out.

And then.....how do you react to the crappy nature of it all? (Checking BG....weighing food...counting carbs....are you low?.....do you feel high?....did you bolus?.....)

But this is our new life. Good or bad, this is it.

Some days? Not so bad.

Other days like today simply bring me to tears.

I hate this disease.

I hate dealing with diabetes AND parenting.

I recently heard of a mom who got very upset because someone at school was making "bunny ears" behind her child.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

She has no idea what it's like to check your child in the middle of the night and THANK GOD when the child moves....breathes....snores....rolls over....

Or worrying about kidney damage.....Eye damage....Nerve damage.....

I hate that people don't understand. ("When are you going to stop checking in the middle of the night?")

WHEN IN THE HECK WOULD YOU STOP IF YOU KNEW YOUR CHILD COULD DIE? If you knew all the kids that died this year. Kids with the very same disease?

I hate it when people tell you that everything will be okay.

NONE of this is okay!!

This disease sucks.

It ROBS you of the joys of everyday life.

It will never be okay.

UPDATE: I did not let D win today. By dinner, Matthew's BG was 104 and we made it a great night. Poop on diabetes. And thank you, Sweet Friends, for your comments. I don't know what I would do without all of you!

The Joy of Pizza and a Movie

BG of 373.

Question for all you pumpers out there:

When your kiddo is going to be sitting for a long period of time (long car ride or movie), how much do you crank up the basal? Do you start when the movie begins or earlier?

Yesterday I increased Matthew's basal by 25% during the movie. I did not start the increase early. Clearly, it did not work.

Now, to be fair, it was pizza at a new place and my carb counting could have been off.

Thanks in advance! : )

Merry Christmas

Just wanted to pop on and say Merry Christmas!

I pray you are all having a wonderful holiday with good BG!

Matthew hit 256 this afternoon. Hey, it could have been worse! At least he came back down and overall things are good. : )

Many blessing to you and your family!!!

An Ornapod!

Look what Laura and her gang sent to our house!!

Matthew was so excited to get this in the mail!!!

For those of you not familiar with Omnipod....Laura and her fabulous kiddos saved all of Nate's old pods and turned them into ornaments. Check out this post to see the fabulous designs.

Aren't they TOTALLY adorable!!

Warning: Matthew wants to save ALL of his and have an ORNAPOD TREE next year!

First Site Failure

Second post of the day here....but I'm trying to be faithful with our pumping start, to here's the scoop.

This morning, we headed to the doctor for insulin adjustments and our first change. All seemed to go great, although when we inserted the new pod, Matthew did complain a little that it didn't feel right. Hmmm...took note, but didn't really worry about it.

11:30 Matthew BG 215. Hmmm....okay. Did correction. Maybe it was all the sitting around in the car, in the doctor's office.....

12:30 Lunchtime. He should be back in range--or at least closer--right? Wrong. 212. Hmmmm...Okay. There was more sitting around....Gave bolus and ate lunch.

2:00 Curious. Checking early. 293. Hmm...it is soon after lunch and he started high. But still....We check for ketones. None. I did have him drink a lot of Crystal Light. Decide to wait a tad longer, check again, then call CDE for advice if necessary. This is so new......

2:45. BG is now 380. Wow. Okay. Call CDE and she agrees that it's probably the site. She tell us to put on a new pod and give half correction. Check in 2 hours. Okay. By the way, Matthew is feeling fine through all this, so that's good. Caught it before any nausea set in...

Well, I neglected to mention, we're not at home during any of this. I was actually trying to START my Christmas shopping. So.... I do that site change------my very first one alone------IN THE CAR. Yep! I'm actually pretty impressed that I didn't freak out. Neither did Matthew.

4:00 BG 281. Yay! Going in right direction.

And after all that.....what are my thoughts on the pump?

I still love it!

But here's the really amazing thing: I didn't get one bit upset at that 380. That 380 was actually a GREAT number---and here's why: It told me there was problem. It was that big, red flag telling me that I needed to fix something.

Yes! I've finally grasped the concept that there are no bad numbers.

(After discussing this with Matthew....I'm adding to this post. As he so wisely puts it...yes, there are bad numbers. He reminded me how bad his 29 was. Definitely a bad number. Big lows are not good. Prolonged highs are not good. But you know what I mean in this post.)

Pumping....What I Love So Far

I know many of you are still on MDI and curious about our pumping adventure. We're only a couple of days into this, but here are some things that I love:

1. No shots! Matthew's favorite part by far!

2. I love the ability to give smaller amounts of insulin. On MDI, I could only dose in half unit increments. This morning, I gave Matthew a correction of .15--completely amazing!

3. Corrections in the middle of the night are much easier. You still have to be careful about the amount of insulin giving...but I don't have to worry about Matthew moving in his sleep while I'm giving the shot. I cannot tell you how many times that sleeping child would roll over right in the middle of his shot---needle half hanging out of him. Not fun, people.

4. I love being able to correct sooner, without an additional shot. Here's what happened yesterday.

Yesterday Matthew's BG was 170. It wasn't time to eat yet, but I wanted him a little lower before lunch.

Thanks to the pump, I was able to go ahead, correct him right then and he was sitting at a great number by the time we ate. I NEVER could have done that on MDI without giving 2 shots. I LOVE that!

5. The pump does that math. Dance of joy!

6. Finally, I love the pump, but I'm glad we waited as long as we did.

Every family is different, of course, so you have to decide what works for you. (If Matthew had been much younger, I'm sure I would have desperately wanted the pump sooner!)

Matthew was diagnosed in March of this year. The past 9 months has given me time to handle this emotionally. I now see how different foods effect Matthew. I feel much more confident in carb counting. Overall, I'm just more ready to handle this new adventure. The timing has been perfect for us!

Our Pump Start

As you know, we took the plunge and started pumping yesterday. And....

WE LOVE IT!!

It all started around 9am when our Omnipod trainer came to our house. His name is Wesley and he's fantastic! Not only is he a trainer, CDE and type 1 himself.....he's also an ordained minister! How cool is that?!

We all sat down around the kitchen table and Wesley helped Matthew program the pump. Yes people---Matthew actually programed the pump all by himself. Kevin and I were so proud of him.

Now....I confess...the night before, I did threaten death if Matthew didn't buckle down and really focus during the training. Fortunately, he stayed right on track. : ) We were really proud!

After the quick set-up, it was time to put on the pod. Easy-breezy. I love that I don't have to see the needle with the pod. Just attach that baby, push a button. DONE! Amazing!

Once the pod was on, we took a BG (blood glucose reading), popped in the carbs for breakfast and Matthew ate breakfast WITHOUT A SHOT! He was so pumped! LITERALLY!!

Sidenote....Matthew started to say a little blessing before he ate, but Wesley jumped right in and prayed for us. I couldn't believe it. What an unexpected gift!

Training was pretty easy. The PDM (personal diabetes manager) is really easy and straight-forward to work. Wesley stayed for about 2 and 1/2 hours and that was it!

Of course, we went out to lunch to celebrate! It was great to take Matthew's sugar, and bolus for the carbs without having to pull out the syringe.

I think one of the things Matthew will love the most is being about to eat more at the end of a meal. When we were on MDI (multiple daily injections), we would count carbs, give insulin, then Matthew would eat. If he wanted more food, he had to take another shot or eat food without any carbs. That "free" food gets old after a while.... Now....if he's still hungry, he can just pop the number of carbs in his PDM and eat extra. He's going to love that!

Last thing, but really important....how is his BG? Not bad at all. Great during the day yesterday, but we need to do some adjusting at night. He still has his usual 8-9pm spike that we need to adjust for. We'll be heading to the doctor in the morning to work on that and have our first site change.

So....that's it. All is great so far.

I feel very blessed.

We're Pumping!!!

Yay! Woo Hoo! The big day has arrived and life is GOOD! Everything has gone beautifully so far and we are so thankful!

I want to write all the details, but I'm just too tired right now. Not just tired. Completely and totally wiped out. It must be some kind of adrenaline let-down or something. As you can imagine, last night I was a bundle of nerves and got very little sleep. So....tomorrow I will give a full update. : )

Oh! And thank you to anyone who lifted us up in prayers. This morning, all my nervousness went away. I was just excited and ready to begin this new journey!

Yay! God is good!

We Start Pumping Tomorrow

So the big day is nearly here. Yes, we start pumping tomorrow! Everyone is excited.

But I have a confession to make: I'm getting nervous. My tummy is in knots. I keep thinking "Are we crazy to hook him up to this device 24/7?!" I thought these feelings might hit me tomorrow, but I'm really surprised that I feel nervous already. (I've even cried a little bit and that hasn't happened in a while.)

I guess it's just the idea of starting fresh all over again. As most of you know, I was in "adrenaline mode" the first 5 months after Matthew's diagnosis. I was unstoppable!

Then I hit my 3-month depression phase. I'm not sure how much I talked about it on here, but let me say that I have never faced anything like that before. God pulled me through without medication, but it was discussed at the doctor's office and I was a heartbeat away from grabbing those meds.

And yet I didn't. I'm not against medication, but I really felt like God was going to get me through without it. And He did! But people...it was bad time in my life.

Okay....then the past month or so....I can actually say I've gotten "comfortable" with diabetes. Of course, that's not the right word, but I've settled into a routine and I'm adjusting better. We're in a groove. I'm learning. And it's working.

Those highs that always drove me crazy---I now look at them as "information" instead of something bad. It's made a world of difference. For me. And the boys.

But now.....we're starting all over again. Another big learning curve. I will say, I'm grateful that God has helped me get to the point where I am. If I was still dealing with depression, this would be so much harder.

So....I'm choosing to be grateful.

I'm excited.

I'm nervous and yes, there are a few tears.

But God got me through before and I pray He will get us through again.

The Cost of Being a Fun Mom

So last night, Matthew does the unthinkable: he asks if we can have pizza. FOR. DINNER.

Let me start by saying that for the most part, we rock pizza. Sure it is 2 shots: one up front to get the insulin going, followed by a second shot a couple hours later to cover the fat spike, but we've never had a big problem. AT LUNCH.

Dinner is a totally different ballgame. (And I'm not athletic!)

But we decide to go for it. Yesterday had been crazy. Kevin is off this week, but he'd been out all day. Painters were at the house all day finishing up some repair work. They didn't finish until 6pm and the house reeked! Getting out for dinner sounded great.

But pizza?

Could I say yes? Could I be the "Fun Mom" who would actually let her son have pizza for dinner?

My brain was racing......Well....we haven't had too many highs....I'll just check and correct....prevent that spike.....

"Sure!"

STUPID. STUPID. STUPID.

Here's the proof.

6pm: 185 (Hmm....higher than usual. I correct and give 70% of insulin for pizza up front)

Eats pizza. Typical amount.

7:30pm: Quick walk around the neighborhood to look at Christmas lights. Me thinking: this will be great for his sugar!

8:15ish: 85 (on the low side, yes, but I know spike is coming....What a smart mommy I am!)

9pm: 185 (I give remainder of insulin for pizza. I'm just so on top of this!)

10:30pm 304 (I'm so NOT on top of this. I correct.)

2am: 322 (I hate pizza. Again, I correct. I also wake him up and have him drink some water.)

4am: 218 (Whew...)

6am: 134 (Not bad.)

Pizza for dinner. STUPID.

Living With Type 1

I recently spoke with the CDE who is going to train us on the pump. He's a legend of sorts around here. He's now married with kids, but apparently when he was a younger, rather rambunctious boy.....he had a pump that he would swing around like a weapon! Needless to say, Matthew cannot wait to meet him!

Anyway, I know very few adults with Type 1, so talking with him on the phone recently was quite enlightening.

He said the hardest part of Type 1 is that it never ends.

He's a grown man, working to support his family....but he still has to check his sugar. Count his carbs. Calculate the appropriate insulin dosage.

He loves to watch his kids play sports! But even then, he's not 100% focused on his kids because the diabetes lurks in the back of his mind.

Vacations are never really vacations. Not for him. He still has to count his carbs. Check his sugar. Calculate the insulin.

You get the drill.

I don't let my mind go down this road very often, because it breaks my heart. It makes me so sad to think that Matthew will never get a break from diabetes.

Every single day.

Every single meal.

For the rest of his life.

He will be thinking about CARBS. And BLOOD SUGAR. And RATIOS. And ISF. And SITE CHANGES. And HIGHS. And LOWS. And A1C numbers.

He will never get a break.

Let's all pray for a cure. (Before the college years would be great!)

Guess What?!

I slept for 6 hours straight. A whole 6 hours!

Kevin and I have gotten on a routine where we'll take turns checking Matthew three nights in a row. It works great, but I always wake up when I hear Kevin go check. Then I won't fall back asleep until he comes back and I find out the number. So.....I never sleep through the night. Not really on purpose.....I can't help it.

But not last night, baby! Kevin said this was the first time since diagnosis (March!) that I didn't ask him what the number was because I was fast asleep. He couldn't believe it. Me either!

I will confess...I woke up at 4am in a total panic because I thought Kevin had slept through....and Matthew had been running low.....but no worries.

Kevin had checked.
Matthew was great.
And I had been sleeping.

Did you read that, People?!

I WAS SLEEPING!

Yay!

Thinking.....

Have you read Wendy's post from the other day?

Here is a portion of what she wrote:

I. CAN'T. HANDLE. THE. PRESSURE!!!!!! Over the past few years, I've had to make some trades for those A1c's and averages:
I've traded sleep.
I've gained 40 pounds.
I've screamed at people I care about.
I've lost my sense of organization.
I've forgotten how to make some of my family's favorite meals.
I've lost my train of thought so many times, I'm pretty sure people might think dementia is setting in.
I've forgotten things at work.
I've made silly mistakes in life...like putting my CELL PHONE IN THE DISHWASHER and washing it!
I've seen a direct correlation between the downfall of **ME** and the stability of her A1c's.

Wendy goes on to talk about changes she's made...the results...the need to get things back on track. It really opened my eyes.

When I read Wendy's words, I saw myself: The ugly truth is that I now need to lose 35 pounds. (That's up 15 from the 20 I needed to lose prior to diagnosis. ) I'm exhausted from the lack of sleep and like Joanne, I've aged a lot. Any bit of organization is gone. I never enjoyed cooking before and now it's pure torture. I forget things. I'm often grumpy. (That's tough for me because I'm usually really happy!)

One thing Wendy and I don't have in common---I haven't put my cell phone in the dishwasher! (Yet!!) But I did forget about my piano students one day and that was the final straw that started my 3 month battle with depression.

Anyway, the point is that Matthew is doing great, but I'm paying the price for that. If I keep it up, he'll start to pay the price. That is not what I want!!

So....I'm going to do what I did last year. Drumroll.......I started my New Year's Resolutions in December. Yep, by the time January rolled around, I was ALREADY in the groove. Isn't that smart?! I was training to run in my first 5K and felt great! I was consistent with my quiet time. House was organized. (Pretty much!) We were on a budget.....

Then March 5, 2010 hit and everything went south with Matthew's diagnosis.

BUT I've already started my resolutions for next year. Not really resolutions, but changes that I want to make.

1. I've ALREADY joined a gym AND I'm actually going.
2. I'm ALREADY being consistent with my quiet time and Bible study.
3. I've ALREADY started setting up a budget for next year.
4. We're starting the pump in 2 weeks, so we can be up and running by January. Yes, I'm ALREADY buried in the training manual. It feels like I'm back in college again, cramming for final exams.
5. And finally....I'm ALREADY working to get the house clean so when the new year rolls around, I can get back into my Fly Lady routine.

Does this make the holiday season more stressful? Not really. Making the changes now feels really good. I'm proud of myself.

I'm praying God can help me get back on track.

Pump Countdown

Yes, most families are counting down the days until Christmas (we are too!)

But in our house, we're adding in the "Pump Countdown!" Two weeks from today, we start.

I'll be honest, though....I'm getting a little nervous. I'm so happy about the freedom it will give Matthew. Being able to eat without a shot is going to be awesome for him! Isn't it amazing the things we take for granted?

Sometimes it just freaks me out a little to think that we're going to have a device hooked to him that will continuously give him insulin. I mean, it's good.....because without insulin he would die. But too much insulin will kill him. It's such a fine line to walk.

And there's no end. This is 24/7. Forever.

Sometimes I'm not as brave as I look.

Thank goodness Matthew is much braver than he looks!

Frustrated!!

Why do insurance companies have to make everything so complicated?

I have been on the phone all afternoon trying to figure out changes for the pump. I am not a happy camper. In fact, I'm ready to say a bunch of bad words....and that's saying something!

Why do they question how often we test our kids? It's not for fun, I can tell you that much!

Maybe they don't know that:

Kids go high...you correct...then check again.
Kids go low...you treat...then check again.
Kids run around like maniacs....you have to check again.
And what about those stupid error codes! It is SO HARD to not get angry when Matthew doesn't get enough blood on the strip. But I hate for a single one to go to waste!

Hey...I just thought of a new Christmas Song....."All I Want For Christmas is Some More Test Strips!" Come on, sing with me! (Yes, I've officially lost it!)

And then what is up with the new freestyle test strips? If anyone out there is on the Pod (Laura!) and can give advice about new vs. old....I would appreciate it!

Deep breath. It's gonna be okay.......

Back to Basics

It's such a simple Thanksgiving for us this year. Matthew is alive and we are thankful.

I will never forget the doctor looking at us in the emergency room. "If it weren't for insulin, Matthew would die this year." It took my breath away. Quite frankly, it still does sometimes. I look at that precious vial of insulin and I am so grateful. I see Matthew running around like a crazy-man, and I am so grateful.

Without insulin, Kevin and I would spend the holiday season mourning, instead of celebrating.

So, despite the toll it has taken....on our marriage (we're figuring it out)....our brains (so much to learn!).....our finances (sigh)....our sleep (or lack thereof)......we are CELEBRATING.

So much to be thankful for this year.

The Top 10 Things That Have Happened During My Blogging Break

10. I learned that if you drop to your knees and ask God to rescue you, He will!

9. Matthew had his lowest low: 29. And that was after a juice box.

8. Despite that scary low, I had a big realization that highs bother me more than lows. I can give Matthew a juice box and get him back in range pretty quick. But highs are another story. Highs have the power to make me depressed.

7. Right after that realization, Meri wrote a post that CHANGED MY LIFE. After battling depression for 3 months....mostly because of high blood sugar.....I realized that highs are just information. That's it. It doesn't matter how high that number is, it simply tells me what to do next. I knew this in my head, but had never really grasped it. I would always beat myself up for letting him go high, when really....his needs were changing and there was no way to know that in advance! That was a big, giant life-changing moment for me. (Thanks Meri! Bet you didn't know how much God would use that blogging moment!)

6. Matthew won the 4th grade spelling bee!

5. I joined a gym! (Thank you Mom and Dad!)

4. A big thanks to Kevin as well.....for helping me find the time to actually go to the gym. With Matthew's school schedule, I really don't get a "break" from diabetes. Ever. Getting away for an hour or so has been truly amazing.

3. I taught myself to knit a scarf. Then started on a crochet project!

2. We decided to get a pump! My first choice was the Ping, but it drove Matthew insane. Within a couple hours of wearing the trial, I bet I heard "Can I disconnect?" 50 times! No joke. We tried the Omnipod sample and he completely forgot about it. Literally. What a huge blessing. We hope to get started during Christmas break. Matthew is so excited!

1. The number one thing that has happened during my blogging break? I realize how much I miss my blogging friends!!!!! I've kept up with you, but I miss your sweet comments. Aren't I selfish? : )

Taking a Break

I just wanted to let you know I'm taking a break from blogging. I need some time to get my life back in balance.

Today I only read one blog and it was REYNA's BLOG-----it was just the confirmation I needed. A little "me time" really has to be a priority.

I'm hoping to be back around mid-September. Please don't forget about me! : )

In the meantime, I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Update

THE GOOD NEWS: Matthew is doing much better. We're still battling ketones a bit, but he's definitely over the hump. Thank you for your prayers.

THE BAD NEWS: I am falling apart.

This morning, the doorbell rang and to my horror I realized I had forgotten to cancel my piano students. So.....I had to answer the door, looking TOTALLY skanky......exhausted from taking care of Matthew all night. I was still in my PJ's.....hair a mess.....didn't have my contacts in.....I'm quite sure I scared the daylights out of my piano student.

Fortunately I didn't burst into tears until I explained the situation and told them I would reschedule.

I was so completely embarrassed to have forgotten about lessons. That has never happened before and I'm still mortified. And overwhelmed....I'm just so overwhelmed......and I can't seem to pick myself up.

Rough Night

Well, it was a rough night. Matthew's had moderate ketones again before bed.

I called the CDE and she wanted me to give him fluids every 2 hours. She didn't want all of it to be water, though. Some needed to be juice so we could get some insulin in him. (His sugar has stayed below 150 so we can't give the sick-day dose.)

At 3am, I woke him for juice. He did great! Drank every drop, so I gave the insulin and we fell asleep.

One hour later and he threw it all up. BUT he had the insulin in him and he was only 115!!!

I checked him every 20 minutes and we got through. It was a long night.

Then he woke up this morning with LARGE ketones. Terrific. Now what?

I'm got a little food in him, then gave the insulin and now I'm praying it all stays down.

Wow. I never realized how easy life was before diabetes. I took a lot for granted.

First Illness Since Diagnosis

Matthew started getting sick yesterday and sadly, he has all the fun stuff: vomiting overnight....fever.....now diarrhea.

He had moderate ketones this morning, but his BS was only 145. He felt really lousy. I think it was all the ketones making him feel so bad. I called his CDE and she helped me come up with a plan. Basically just eating and drinking.....assuming he could keep it all down.

I had no idea how tough it would be to figure out sick-day stuff. I mean.....with shots....I can't give him insulin for 1 or 2 crackers. But he has to eat and he has to have insulin. Hmmmm...

I finally convinced him to try a slice of toast and some gatorade, but I didn't give him the insulin until I was sure he'd keep it down. Fortunately, he did.

Of course, then the diarrhea started and he went low. I guess it'll be this way until everything actually stays in him??

Good news though....ketones are now negative (we'll keep checking) and he's a happy camper parked in front of the TV.

Gotta be thankful for the little things.....that are actually big things. : )

Couple of Things

1. The eye appointment went GREAT! Well....except for the dilation. You would have thought they were pulling out his eyeballs. The kid did not do well with this. Although, considering all he's been through the past 5 months, you can hardly blame him.

2. Second....he got invited to a birthday party for next weekend. A SLEEPOVER. The nerve of some people. LOL. At first I thought there was no way I would be willing to let Matthew go....but I don't want him to miss out on ANYTHING. So.....if you have sleepover tips, I welcome them.

I'm going to call the mom this weekend and find out the full plan for food and such. At this point, I think I'll lower his Lantus and let him run a little higher. I plan to call the nurse next week and get some help. By the way, Matthew is so totally excited that we're going to let him go.....It makes it all worth it. Oh! And if the mom offers to let me camp out in a spare bedroom, I'm going to take her up on it!

3. And finally, 11 moms have signed up for the Prayer Partner list. I'm sorry I haven't gotten the names out yet. I still need info from traveller---so please get that to me. Also.....I need one more mom to sign up so everyone gets a partner. If you're on the fence, just jump on over. This will be a small time committment and you'll get to know another D-Mom better.

That's it. Have a GREAT Friday!

Eye Doctor

Just wanted to let you all know I'm doing better. Thank you for letting me know that my rollercoaster emotions are normal and I'm not a total weirdo. : )

I just realized that Matthew was diagnosed 5 months ago today. Wow. It's been a crazy 5 months. But you know what? It's not been bad. Though I am amazed at how much I've learned during this short time. UNBELIEVABLE.

We're off to take Matthew to a pediatric opthamologist today for his baseline eye exam. When I made the appointment, they asked for all our insurance information. I told them we don't have eye insurance. But then the woman said because this is for his diabetes, that it falls under our medical insurance. THAT IS TOTALLY COOL!

I love those little blessings.

Hope you all have a great day!

Back in Range...

Thank you all for your sweet comments. You are all so encouraging....and it really does help!

I am in the funk of funks. It stinks.

(Ironically, Matthew's BS is doing great. Those late-night-highs are getting better and he's really doing great.)

So.....what's my deal?

I think I'm worrying over all the "what ifs" in my life:

• What if Matthew goes high?
• What if we catch a low too late?
• What if Kevin loses his job?
• What if we don't have insurance?
• What if he's denied a pump?
• What if my car finally bites the dust?
• What if Twister stays status quo? (It seems our adorable dog is always in the middle these days. Not well, but not close to death....just sick. It's coming out of both ends again. And it's really tough to know what to do.....the doctors don't know either.)

All these "what ifs" are playing around in my head and IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!

BUT there is not a thing I can do about any of those "what ifs"......

Except pray. Trust God. Try not to get mad at Him. (I was really mad at God yesterday. I know....I'm so dumb sometimes...) Take it one day at a time.

That's what I'm not doing. I keep forgetting to live life one day at a time.

Sigh.

Have I ever put a picture of our adorable dog on here? I can't remember....so I'll pop one on just in case. This is Twister.

Having a Low....

I'm tired. Not sleepy. Just tired of everything right now.

Sometimes it's all overwhelming.

Kevin is feeling the same way and it's much harder when both of us are having a rough time. : (

Good News....Bad News

The good news is that I slept like a baby last night.

The bad news is that I slept well because a wasp stung me and I had to take 2 benedryl.

You know.....it was kind of worth it.

Weekly Update

It was a GREAT week. But....I was so busy having fun that I am WAY behind on reading everyone's blogs. Forgive me! I hope to catch up this weekend!

Here's a fast and furious update.

Tracy

• Good quiet time
• Playdates with friends
• Got Matthew to his yearly doctor's appointment (went great!)
• Several moms have signed up for the prayer partner list. (We even have a college student who wants to be involved. How cool is that?!) There is still time to sign up if you would like. Click here for more information. I think I'll let people sign up for the next couple weeks since people are away taking last minute vacations. I'll still start pairing up people in the next couple days and get that info out.
• Oh! And I turned a pretty fushia color after an afternoon at the pool. (Too bad fushia isn't in fashion.)

Matthew

1. Had fun with friends (despite being grounded from all electronics. Boy he hates that! I've got to remember how well this punishment works!)
2. Caught a couple lows and knew how to treat them! Woo Hoo!

Blood Sugar

• It looks like we're figuring out the late-night highs. They are much better. He still went pretty high the other night, but I'm making adjustments again. The next couple of nights will be interesting to watch. I will keep you posted.

That's it! Now get off the computer and go have some fun! : )

Ranger Rick

Do your kids read Ranger Rick magazine? Matthew has been an advisor for them for several years now. He gets to do all sorts of cool things. Preview games, help select covers, come up with story ideas....

Recently, they asked him to do a short book review for their website.. He chose Charlotte's Web. Click here if you want to see it.

FYI....you can still sign up for the Prayer Partner list. Nearly a dozen moms have signed up so far!!! Click here for more information. I will get information out to participants next week.

An Idea for D-Moms!

UPDATE: Several moms have signed up! Yea! I'll let others sign up this week and then I'll send out the info to everyone participating! So....if you haven't signed up, there is still time! : )

This morning during my quiet time, God gave me a great idea: Prayer Partners for D-Moms.

If you want to participate, you will be given the name of another D-Mom. The only requirement is that you agree to pray for your fellow D-Mom and her children daily throughout the upcoming school year.

Wouldn't it be encouraging to know that someone who "gets it" is committed to praying for you and your family? So many of us are already concerned about the upcoming school year, I think this would be a great way to start school on a positive note!

If you would like to participate, send me a comment with the following information. I will NOT publish these comments.

• Your name
• Your children's names (if you would like to share them)
• Make sure you let me know which child is diabetic
• Any specific prayer requests that you may have
• Your e-mail address----IF you would like this to be shared with your partner. (That way you could share specific prayer requests if you would like.) This is not a requirement to join the group! : )

Each week, I will post a "topic idea" with scripture references for your prayer time. Things like.....adjusting to school, wisdom for BS, keeping a joyful attitude, spouses, finances.....whatever. You wouldn't have to use those ideas.....it's just a thought.

Finally, as most of you know, I'm really new to blogging, so I don't know many D-Moms. If you know anyone who might want to participate....please pass this on!!

Psalms 145:18 The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.

Weekly Update

We had a GREAT week! This should be easy to sum up.....good thing because it's Saturday and I want to play!

Matthew:

• Had several playdates this week
• Went swimming
• We went to see the IMAX movie Adrenaline Rush. Wow!

Tracy

• Great quiet time this week
• Got a walk in (foot still sore, but much better)
• Enjoyed Matthew's playdates because I got to catch up with my friends

Matthew's Blood Sugar

• The Lantus split seems to be working. It's hard to tell because of all his activity this week, but either way, he didn't have those big highs at night. Thank you, Lord!
• He had only ONE low this week (62) and caught it. Poor guy, it was a bad one and he felt terrible. It took a while to get him up, but he handled it well.
• And.......we tackled belgian waffles this week. Matthew did GREAT!

This week's big adventure----I hope to conquer lasagna! Wish me luck.

Can a shot REVERSE type 1?

That's what researchers are working on.

Can you even imagine? I would LOVE for Matthew to be able to say: "I used to have type 1 diabetes."

Let's all pray that God works mightly through these researchers.....and others who are so diligently searching for a cure.

Click here to read the story. Watch the video. It's great and it gives me hope. I know God is working and I pray that this just may be the answer.

If it's not the answer....if we have to live with diabetes forever, we'll be okay. Life will go on and Matthew will be fine. But there is hope and that's the way I want to live.

Matthew hasn't seen the video yet. There's a tiny part of me that doesn't want him to get his hopes up too much----yes, that cancels out everything I just wrote----but the bigger part of me wants him to watch the video. I want him to know there are people out there who care. People who are working so hard to find a cure.

He needs that hope. And he deserves to have hope.

In the meantime, we're going to take it day by day......and be grateful for insulin.

By the way....I found the link thanks to one of my on-line buddies, Pam. Click here to meet Pam and her daughter, Grace. They are both pretty awesome! : )

I Got Back Up

Sorry about yesterday. I don't like to be depressing on my blog. I want people to come for a visit and walk away with a smile. Ummmm....that wasn't really happening yesterday.

It's just that some of the reality of the D-life is hitting me and it isn't pretty. But I'm okay with that.

Do you like Toby Mac? He's not my favorite, but I do enjoy this song a lot. It's great to listen to when I run. Here's the chorus. I found myself singing it a lot yesterday.

Get Back Up by Toby Mac

Chorus:
We lose our way, we get back up again
It’s never too late to get back up again
And one day you gonna’ shine again
You may be knocked down, but not out forever.

We lose our way, we get back up again
So get up, get up, you gonna’ shine again
It’s never too late to get back up again
You may be knocked down, but not out forever.

I got back up. With God's help, I got back up and I will get through this.

With a joyful attitude.

If it kills me. : )

A special thank you to everyone who left a comment. God is using each and every one of you to bless and encourage me.

One day I'm going to win the lottery (if I ever decide to play) and we're all going on an exciting trip. Yep, the dads will be in charge and we will do nothing but sleep for 2 days straight and then we'll visit. How's that?

Having a Rough Spell

One of my new-online friends, Hallie, wrote an interesting blog today. Click here to read it.

It's hard to read, but exactly the way I'm feeling right now. I hope you'll go read it. She's a sweetheart.

Certainly there are other diseases worse than diabetes, but nothing else requires the daily management like diabetes. Nothing else needs hour by hour care every single day. Or night. Weekends. At parties. At the pool. At school. It never stops and so many people just don't get it. I mean....sometimes they don't even TRY to get it.

And so, they.... "hint" that the caretaker is doing something wrong. Recently I was talking with someone about Matthew's late-night highs and their first question was "Is it his diet?"

Meaning.....I'M feeding him the wrong food. I'M doing a bad job. Why can't I fix it?

Like I'm not trying to fix it?!?!?! I haven't slept through the night since Matthew's diagnosis. I am always on call. ALWAYS.

We check Matthew's blood at least 8 times a day every single day. That's a minimum of 56 times a week. I stick him with needles every single day---we're up to 35 shots a week now. I see when he feels horrible and give him sugar so he gets better....I give him extra insulin when he's high.....I count carbs for every single bite of food he eats. But it's not good enough......

And then there's the worry that he will actually eat everything you give him....like at school. The last field trip of the year, he dropped part of his lunch on the ground. Well, of course, he already had the insulin in him.....

There's always something to think about.....I'm always setting my watch alarm so I don't miss the next sugar check......always watching and thinking.....

And it will never been good enough....because this disease is not going anywhere. And I hate it.

And there are so many other families living the same way. I never knew. I never realized what diabetes was really all about. I had no idea....

Now, don't get me wrong.....I'm grateful that God gave me this little boy to care for.....and I would not change that for the world. Matthew is such a blessing in my life.......but I hate that he has to live with diabetes. For the rest of Matthew's life, he will never be able to eat one bite of food without thinking about carbs....and insulin.....and activity.....and excitement....

It's just so much.

Sidenote for my parents: It's hard to write about things like this because my parents read this and worry. So, Mom and Dad....I'm okay....really. None of this is new to you..... This blog is like my therapy......I just need to vent. Okay? Matthew just checked his sugar and it was a perfect number. We're okay.....Don't worry.....

Sidenote to D-Moms: You know what I'm talking about!

D-Moms: I need your help....

Please help me with this cooking question.......it involves measuring veggies.

Today, for example, we had corn. The can says 1/2 cup has a weight of 125g. This serving has 11 carbs.

Well....when I measure out 1/2 cup and then weigh it.....because I'm obsessed about getting the exact number of carbs....the weight is totally different. The weight is about 84 grams.

Now I understand that measuring in cups isn't as accurate....with all the empty space...but with corn, or peas, there really isn't space.

I'm guessing the numbers on the can include water?

How do you measure for this???

I know right now Matthew's ratios are so high that it doesn't really matter, but in a few years when he's 1-5, it will make a big difference. I want to do it correctly from the start.

And truthfully, if I'm not giving him enough carbs, then I'm shooting him low. (That happened today.....)

So please help me......because I'm obsessed.....

Sidenote: No change in evening numbers.....

Weekly Update

This is going to be super-quick because Matthew has a friend over to play and I want to relax with a good book!


Matthew

• Had fun at 2 birthday parties this week. His good buddy, Adam, celebrated his 10th birthday. And Matthew's favorite classmate, Caleb, turned 10 as well. Matthew had a blast.
• He is counting down the hours until his buddy, Ewin, returns home from Taiwan tomorrow. His family has been gone 2 months!
• Matthew did an AWESOME job helping me to finish organizing the gameroom.

Tracy

• I loved seeing my friends at those parties this week.
• Stayed on track with my quiet time.
• I wrote something else here, but accidently deleted it and I'm too tired to remember what it was..... : )

Matthew's Blood Sugar

• We're still working on the late-night highs, but it seems to be a tiny bit better after splitting the Lantus. Time will tell.....
• Matthew had several lows this week, but he caught every one! His symptoms are nearly always a headache and he gets tired.
• We ROCKED on the pizza, cake and ice cream at the parties!
• But boy, does swimming makes Matthew drop! He started swimming at 193 and 30 minutes later was 77. Wow. Glad I only gave him half the insulin for that pizza!

Just a quick update......

I've got to run finish up breakfast and get ready for church, but......last night was better! Much better!

Matthew still rose, but stayed in range. We'll let this dose ride for a couple days and then maybe raise it a bit. I would love to find a dose that holds him steady through that period.

At least we're going in the right direction. God is good!

I hope you have a wonderful Sunday!

Grrrrr!

Here are the numbers from last night:

6:15-----116
8:30-----119
9:30-----189
10:00---237

Hmmmm.....we're going in the wrong direction here! But again....Matthew is consistent. Between 9 and 10.....boom!

He got a small correction and came in okay this morning. I upped his morning Lantus, so we'll see if it makes a difference tonight. I also increased his lunch ratio to guard against a low.

I praying and believing and trusting that God is going to help me figure this out. And I can't wait for that day! : )

Here's a picture from the party yesterday. We had such fun!

No Luck Yet....

Matthew's BS rose again last night. Same time....same thing....same frustration. I feel very defeated right now.

But I will try to be patient, tweek the amount of Lantus I give in the morning verses evening. (Although I will not do that tonight. Matthew is going to a pool party today and I'm not about to change anything with all that activity.)

I did make a decision this morning. I'll give this a couple weeks and if it doesn't work, I'm going to go back to one Lantus shot at night and simply correct him. We just can't have him staying high every single night. All the longterm complications are so frightening.

At that point, we'll just have to do whatever it takes to get him on a pump.

I will end on a happy note: My eye infection is all cleared up and I put new contacts in today! Woo Hoo! I HATE wearing my glasses when it is this hot and humid. They make me feel WAY too sweaty!

Quick Update

Matthew did great last night.

It's really kind of strange. I gave him half the Lantus---totally expecting him to go high with half the insulin in him---and he had great numbers all night.

What's the deal?

He never went low in the middle of the night before, so I really think the dose was correct.

Oh well, I'm just believing God gave us an easy night. What a nice surprise!

This morning, I gave the other half of Lantus, so we'll see what happens tonight.

May take a few days and I will try to be patient!

I'm Going For It

Tonight, I'm splitting the Lantus.

The evening snack works sometime, but other times it just isn't filling that gap. I'm sick of constantly changing up his evening ratios to cover the expected high, all while protecting him from that earlier low. It's madness.

This morning I was having my quiet time and I thought about what's going on with Matthew. It occurred to me that we're trying to fix the symptom, not the problem.

The nurse practitioner and the CDE both agree that they think the Lantus is wearing off. The reason they don't encourage splitting the Lantus is because:

• You then have 2 shots to remember (I don't mind this. I'm already having to remember to give the extra shot a 8 with the snack.)
• You can't sleep in. (Matthew rarely sleeps in and if he does, I'll just give him the shot while he's sleeping. I've certainly done that before.)

I've also read several books that say the Lantus "gap" is an issue for some people and splitting the Lantus usually works.

So, we're trying it tonight. I know this means he'll run high tonight and we'll probably have a long night of correcting and checking, but hopefully in a day or 2, we'll get that consistent coverage that he needs and his numbers will be beautiful.

Until something else changes and messes it all up......LOL!

Feeling Tired.....

Life is good, but I'm tired and a little defeated. I'm not even sure why. This D-life is tough. Just when you think you have one thing figured out, something else rears its ugly head.

Matthew's late night highs are better. I spoke with his CDE yesterday and I'm going to keep playing around with the nighttime snack ratios. If I can't seem to find a ratio that works consistently, then we're going to try splitting the Lantus.

The problem with working on the ratios is that you have to check Matthew constantly from 8-11:15ish. (He often drops before he goes high.) It's truly exhausting and I'm going through test strips like crazy!!

Going to bed that late, getting up at 3 to check him and then rising at 7 is taking a toll on me. I just need my sleep. I guess I need to get back into trying to catch a nap, but it's summer and we want to have fun.

I want a CGM (Continous Glucose Monitor) so bad!!! I talked with the CDE about it and she said it would certainly give us good info right now....we could take a quick peek and think "okay, he's steady...." or "he's dropping fast..."

It's definitely on the list of things to discuss at his next appointment. My understanding is that the doctor will let us get it....and then it would just be working with our insurance company to figure out the cost. It it's not one battle, its another....

In the meantime, I'll just keep working on ratios and be thankful that this issue is getting better.

Good Morning!

Hello Sweet Friends!

I hope you have a FANTASTIC day!

Weekly Update

This is going to be quick tonight because it's family game night and I don't want to be late!!


Matthew

• Enjoyed a playdate with his good buddy Caleb.
• Helped me organize the gameroom. It's only a semi-disaster now! Just kidding! It's looking good. : )
• We took a morning walk to find the peacocks. Yes! We have peacocks in the neighborhood....I'll have to post pictures one day. Snakes....peacocks.....it REALLY is a normal neighborhood, I promise!
• Wanted to go to the pool, but the weather has not cooperated. Maybe next week....
  

Tracy

• Cleaned out the pantry and we worked on the gameroom. (Gotta take advantage of these rainy days....)
• Stayed on track with bible reading program.
• I got a little exercise in....not as much as I would like. My foot has been bothering me, though it's much better today. Yea!
• Oh! And I got Pink Eye. (Like we need more medical bills.....sigh.....) But hey, I caught it early and will be good to go soon!

Matthew's Blood Sugar

• Anyone following this blog knows about those darn late-night highs, but God has been good and it's getting a little bit better. We had great success on Thursday (thanks again to The Crazy Pancreas) but Friday's numbers weren't quite as good. Not in the 200's, but close. We'll see what happens tonight....
• Matthew caught a couple lows. He's getting better about this and I'm proud of him.
• As of this writing, Matthew's on shot number 15!

Overall, it really was a great week!

Hero of the Day Award

First.....a big thank you to all the wonderful d-moms who commented yesterday! Your support means the world to me! It's so great to have encouragement from other moms fighting the same battles.

Now.......on to the good stuff. The Hero of the Day Award goes to........drumroll please.......

THE CRAZY PANCREAS!

Yesterday, she suggested giving Matthew a snack with insulin at bedtime....around 8 o'clock. The idea being that the active insulin might "tie him over" until the Lantus kicks in.

This is similiar to what one nurse suggested. (I've talked with 4 of them about this!) The nurse said we could try having dinner a little later. Again....to have that active insulin working around the time he's rising. But Matthew really needs to eat by 6 or so.

Anyway.....we tried a snack at 8pm and IT WORKED BEAUTIFULLY!

Yea! Woo Hoo! Go Crazy Pancreas!

Matthew's BS still rose a tiny bit but he leveled out and came in at 98 this morning. FANTASTIC!

Of course, you know how diabetes is....I'll have to test this for a few days to make sure.....but I think it's going to work.

And Matthew doesn't mind the extra shot since he gets a snack. Good thing, too, since he still needs to put on some weight.

What a great way to end the week! :)

Frustrated and I'd love suggestions.....

I'm sick of these late-night highs. They are driving me insane!!

Matthew will have good numbers all day and then-bam! During the 9 o'clock hour-----without fail---that child will spike with no carbs. I hate giving him shots while he's sleeping!!

Of course, this didn't happen the week of camp because we were chasing lows, but now he's back into the same pattern again. At least he's consistent. Sigh.

I'm going to lower his dinner ratio....one. more. time. Make sure he doesn't go low 2 hours after, and then call the nurse tomorrow. Again.

I'm really stumped.

We give lantus at 8pm. The Lantus does last until dinner, but doesn't seem to be kicking in quick enough to hit that 9 o'clock hour.

When we moved lantus up to 6pm......he started to go high before dinner and he STILL had that spike in the 9 o'clock hour. So.....we went back to 8pm.

Could it be growth hormones at that hour? It's so darn consistent that I think it's got to be his body doing something.

Maybe I should talk to the nurse about splitting the Lantus into 2 shots? I've heard that splitting the dose gives some people better coverage......

Reward to the one who figures this out!

Thank you for letting me vent. : )

Ramblings about Becoming Independent

Many of you know that I homeschooled Matthew for several years. It started because of Kevin's work schedule and then....it just worked for us. Matthew and I both loved it.

But I felt like it was time to move on. There were other things that I wanted Matthew to learn....taking instruction from others.....being responsible to do the work....those sorts of things.

Well, we were really blessed to enroll him in a school that is sort of "between" regular school and homeschool. It's a university model school and it basically just like college. You can choose what courses you take. Matthew only took 2 last year. He will be enrolled in 4 classes this year. Elementary goes on T/Th and the upper grades are M/W/F. A full day of homework is given for those days out of school. We absolutely love it.

One reason I loved homeschooling was because I had more time with Matthew. We could do all sorts of fun things together. And yes, I could shelter him a bit and protect that innocence that is lost so early these days.

But school has been fabulous for both of us. There has been a huge burden lifted from my shoulders since I don't have to do all the planning. One of the biggest benefits I could see for Matthew was that he was becoming more independent.

Then diabetes came into our lives. Suddenly I was back with him at school every day for shots. (There is no nurse at our campus, though there is a fabulous d-mom there willing to do anything for Matthew! He doesn't want her doing shots yet. Of course....now he can do his own, so perhaps she can just supervise.)

But I find myself thinking so much about developing his independence. Part of me still sees that young, adventurous boy that I want to keep with me. The other part of me sees a little man who has diabetes and needs to learn how to take care of himself. I think that training has to start now.

I keep telling Matthew that I'm not going to force him to count every carb right now----I want him to enjoy being a kid! But there are little ways that I can encourage him to become more independent. (In a past post, I already talked about my summer goals for him.)

I think diabetes camp helped Matthew gain a bit of independence. And folks, it was hard for me, but good for him. Easy choice.

((Sidenote: Thank you Mom and Dad, for always pushing and encouraging me when it was probably difficult for you. It made me a stronger person and yet, I've learned to rely on God. I know with His help, I am fully capable caring for a child with diabetes. Thank you for always being there for me!))

God is really helping me see the big picture and see it so clearly: It's about taking care of Matthew right now, but training him to take care of himself in the future.

I pray God will guide me every step of the way.

Fireworks, Tents, and Snakes. Oh My!

Life with Matthew and Kevin is always an adventure.

Last night after fireworks, they decided to sleep outside in the tent. It was a first for them and they had a blast.

It was great for me because I got such a good night sleep with Kevin in charge of the BS checks! Woo Hoo!

But this morning, it was a different story.

After the boys brought in all the stuff, I found a SNAKE in the bathroom! S.N.A.K.E.

Of course, Matthew thinks this is fantastic. It's like a dream come true.

Oh good grief! And I thought "tent nights" would be so relaxing for me!

Final Camp Wrap-Up

As of this writing, Matthew has given himself SIX shots. His hand doesn't even shake. I swear my hands shook for a solid month after his diagnosis and still do if someone is watching me.

Matthew also got an award at camp: Most Responsible. I told him when he applies to be a CIT one day, he can tell them he got this award and that will certainly work in his favor!

We won't tell them the "Most Responsible Certificate" was dropped on the ground, stepped on by a muddy shoe, crumbled up and crammed into his bag.....no one has to know that.....right? : )

Camp Day 4

When Matthew started camp, I listed some prayer requests. Here is the update:

• I wanted Matthew to have a great time at camp! He has LOVED it!
• I wanted his blood sugar to stay in range. As of today, his BS has been great. He only had 1 low at camp and no highs. (Overnights have been tricky. All the added exercise has made him drop significantly at night. But I adjusted his insulin, checked about every 2 hours and did juice. It all worked out.)
• I was hoping Matthew would meet a good buddy with he same values. He's actually met several kids and that he'll love seeing again next year.
• You know I wanted Matthew to get brave enough to give himself a shot. At the time of writing this, he's done THREE shots! I told him we should set a summer goal. Maybe he could give himself 1 shot a day, or 1 every other day. He chose doing 1 shot every day. W.O.W.
• Finally....I was hoping he would be inspired by his CIT (counselor-in-training). Matthew says when he's a teenager he wants to be a CIT and then be a counselor one day! Awesome!

God answered every prayer better than I could have dreamed! He also gave me such peace. I never worried about his safety at all. That has been such a blessing.

Camp rocks!

Camp Day 3: A Day to Remember

Matthew gave himself a shot today! I am so proud of him.

And so grateful for his camp counselors! Matthew said they really encouraged him, but didn't push him at all.

Matthew said Brynn was the most encouraging. She said he was very brave. According to her, most kids hesitate on the first shot, but not Matthew. She said he just went in and did it.

She even took a picture of the big event. Of course, I cried when I saw it. Yep. Big, fat, crocodile tears in front of everyone. (But Matthew didn't see.)



I've never been more proud of my brave son. I see God working in his life, helping him to be strong and courageous, and I am just so grateful.

(And yes, we headed straight to the store to buy the new Toy Store 3 DS game!)

Camp Day 2: Second Post

Well, 2 days of non-stop activity caught up with Matthew: we had our first night of battling lows.

It started at bedtime when it was difficult to get him to 100. We finally got him to 110, but then he just kept slowly dropping. When all was said and done, I had to wake him up to drink juice 5 times! (Don't tell his dentist.)

Matthew was a good sport...until the third time I woke him. At that point, he just got really mad and cried. It must stink to have someone wake you up and force you to drink juice. Especially over and over......

Anyway, Kevin checked at 2am and Matthew was 97. Lately he goes steady at 95, so I hadn't planned to check him until morning.

But...somehow I woke up, got confused and decided to check him one hour later. He was down to 88, so I gave him some juice. He was thrilled. Not.

Then God woke me up at 5am (Thank you, Lord!) and Matthew was down to 73. At this point, the poor child just sat up and drank so I would leave him alone and let him sleep.

Sidenote--I am so grateful God woke me then. I hadn't planned to check until 7 and can you imagine how much he would have dropped?

Then 7am comes and Matthew bounced out of bed at a beautiful 94. AND get this---despite all that juice, he never had an accident. Go Matthew!

(I'm going to talk with his nurse about lowering the Lantus a little tonight. Thoughts?)

Camp Day 2

Camp was such fun.

Let's see.....once we dropped Matthew off, I had a little quiet time, then got a few things done around the house. I taught one piano lesson, had lunch with a friend....

Oh! Wait a minute....did you want to hear about Matthew's day at camp? Silly me. : )

Matthew LOVED it! Despite a rainy morning, they did everything from BB guns and swimming to crafts and little carb counting.

And somehow during all that innocent play, he got disgustingly dirty. I mean his clothes are FILTHY! Everything's in the wash right now and quite frankly, I just tossed the socks.

His BS was pretty good all day. He did go low at lunch (62) but other than that, he was great!

Woo Hoo!

Camp Day 1-Success!

Matthew's Thoughts

He loved it! But let me tell you, that child is exhausted! It was go-go-go! He had fun hiking and playing games....all sorts of things. They were going to go swimming, but storms popped up around them. Hopefully tomorrow...

There are 8 kids in Matthew's group. Six of them are girls! Ummmm....he was not pleased. Fortunately, he likes the other boy he's with, Brett, and they had fun together.

When I saw Matthew at pickup, the first thing he said was "My numbers were good, but Brett went to 381! But no ketones, so that was good."

It was so nice to see Matthew concerned and looking out for his new buddy!

Tracy's Thoughts ((Warning: this is long!))

God is so good! We we checked in, everywhere I turned I felt like God was giving me a surprise. There are 5 adults/counselors in charge of Matthew's group and I had a "connection" of some sort with 3 of them. How amazing is that?!

First, there was the nurse. No connection with her, but she was nice. A little...um....serious....but then again, we were talking about Matthew's numbers. If she had been too perky, I'm sure I would have thought she was a fruitloop.

Second, (follow closely, this gets confusing.) Several weeks ago, we were introduced to a family with an 8-year-old diabetic boy, Tanner. Tanner and Matthew really hit it off and since Tanner had been to camp several years, Matthew decided to try it.

Tanner's favorite teen counselor is a boy named Derrick. That very boy is Matthew's teen counselor!! It's such a blessing because Tanner's mom loved Derrick, too. He has even babysat for them. I really hope Matthew and Derrick hit it off because I'm hoping Matthew will want to be a counselor when he's older.

Third, one of the counselors in Matthew's group is the Omnipod representative for our area. I've already e-mailed him several times because this is the pump that Matthew wants. (He doesn't want it now, though. Matthew is holding out for the smaller one than doesn't hit the market until next year.)

Lastly, a few months ago, I met a sweet girl, Brynn, on an on-line diabetes forum. She's 20-something and a diabetic herself, living right here in North Texas. Brynn told me about this camp and encouraged me to send Matthew.

I found out a couple weeks ago that she got on their staff this year and believe it or not--Matthew is in her group! It was so nice to meet her face-to-face. She's adorable and I think she stole Matthew's heart when she said they were going to start the day with a bug hunt.

God is so awesome! I love Him so much! I didn't even tear up when it was time to leave. I had such a peace about the whole thing. (Thank you to all those who prayed for me. I was so busy praying for Matthew that I never thought to pray about peace for myself!)

I feel like God put a bunch of angels in place to watch over Matthew. And I sure hope that's the case---I think it's archery tomorrow! Yikes! : )

Looks like he's going to have a fantastic week!

Diabetes Camp

Matthew heads to diabetes camp tomorrow. Wow! It's only a day camp, but still.....he's never done anything like this and he's a little nervous. Excited, but nervous.

Truth be told....I'm nervous, too. Of course, let's be real. Those people are trained medical professionals!! I'm sure he'll get much better care than he does with me! So why am I fretting? I think I'll be much better after he gets through his first day and tells me about how much fun he had.

I think it's especially hard for me because he's had such terrible numbers recently. We have to take a log of all his numbers this past week and quite frankly, I'm almost embarrassed. This has been one of our worst weeks with diabetes.

Nearly every day just before lunch, he went low, thanks to all the activity at VBS. BUT.....I'm considering this a blessing because it'll help the folks at camp know how his sugar does with added activity. Right????? I really do think that's good.

And then, he's still having those insane highs at night. (Example: Friday night. At 8pm Matthew was 99 and at 9pm he was 222. With no carbs!)

I talked with the nurse yesterday and she wanted me to try lowering his dinner ratio. I had done this some, but it seemed like we were getting to the point where he might go low.

Anyway, we tried it last night and.......it worked! BEAUTIFUL numbers from dinner through breakfast. Around 9pm, he did drop to 77, but I didn't panic and treat. I waited 30 minutes to recheck. He went up to 83 and stayed there for about an hour. At that point, I gave half a juice box, praying he would not spike. He didn't! About 30 minutes after the juice, he was 120. At 3am, he came in at 112 and at 7am this morning, was a fabulous 95. I'm thrilled.

Of course, now we have camp and that throws us a major curve ball. I'm sure nights will be an adventure with lows a possibility. But I'm so thankful that at least we were able to conquer the highs before we added the extra variable. God is so good!

(If you prayed for us........THANK YOU!)

And since you're so good at getting answers to prayers, would pray for Matthew this week? Please pray that Matthew :

• has a great time at camp!
• that his blood sugar stays in range
• that he meets a good buddy with the same values
• and that he might consider giving himself a shot
• that he will be inspired by his teen counselor and want to do that one day!
  

Thank you in advance!! By the way, if he gives himself a shot this week, I'm going to surprise him with a present!

Oh! And I will try my best to post about his first day tomorrow. It may be short, but I'll at least let you know how Day 1 goes!

Weekly Update

This will be such an easy update. With VBS keeping us busy, it's been the best week of the summer so far!

Matthew

The big highlight of Matthew's week......VBS. Saddle Ridge Ranch! Matthew LOVED it! Seriously, it was the first time he just gave in to all the silliness. He dressed like a cowboy. He sang the songs-even doing the arm motions. Believe it or not, Matthew even dyed his hair orange and spiked it for Crazy Hair Day!!!

Tracy

• I had fun with VBS, too. Usually I help out with crafts, but this year I helped in the Missions Room and loved it. Each day, we focused on a different mission group in Mexico.....South Africa.....the amazon.....it was interesting and adventurous.
• There's not much else to report because I was so tired. : ) I did manage to teach piano one day and run a few errands, but VBS is definitely the highlight this week.

Matthew's Blood Sugar

Well, quite frankly, those "pesky highs" are driving me insane. We talked about it at the doctor's appointment last week, and they had me make a Lantus time adjustment (moved from 8pm to 6pm). Well, that only created another problem. He started running really high before dinner. Great. Now there are 2 issues.

So.....I went back to our original Lantus time and plan to just deal with this after diabetes camp next week. In the meantime, I'm just correcting at night. Grrr.....it's hard to keep a happy attitude about those "pesky highs" when he keeps shooting high 3 hours after dinner....night after night after night.....With. No. Carbs.

At least I can correct with insulin until we figure it out.....so that is really good!

VBS Day 2

Howdy, yall!

It was Western Day at VBS! Everywhere you looked....bandanas.....cowboy hats.....cowboys boots......we were all lookin' so fine, if I do say so myself.

Even Matthew. In the past, he has never wanted to dress up for these things but apparently it was a new day on the ranch.

My little cowboy was such a sight for sore eyes. Check out that hat and bandana. What a pair of outlaws!



Oh! Matthew's blood sugar was much better. He did go a little low (63) by the time we got home, but it was a quick fix and I'll make adjustments for that tomorrow.

Y'all have a good day! : )

VBS Day 1

Overall VBS was great! I love to help out and Matthew is having a blast, too.

I'm helping out in the missions room and Matthew is going around with the 4th graders. I'm really glad that we're not together because I think it will give him the chance to be more independent with diabetes and yet, I'll be close by if there's a problem. (And to give insulin at snack time.)

The snack yesterday was cupcakes. Hmmmmm....didn't we conquer this last week?! Oh yeah! I was feeling pretty confident, so I didn't worry one little bit. (Can you say stupid!)

Turns out, I didn't think about all the walking around that the kids do. The groups go from room to room all morning. Jumping and bouncing....you know the drill. Hmmm....should have factored that in because.....

About 15 minutes before the end, Matthew dropped down to 54. Sigh. At least he caught it.

Just like last time, he said he could tell his mind wasn't working right, so he checked, downed a juice box and was fine.

This is so tough for me! I hate it when he has lows without me around! BUT....I'm so thankful that's he learning to take care of himself. And it's only been a couple of months! I really am so proud of him.

God has given me such a great kiddo! : )

Goals for Matthew

A few weeks ago when I was making goals for myself, I made a few "diabetes goals" for Matthew as well. There is so much that he'll need to learn to take care of himself, but I'm determined to go slow. I don't want to drive him crazy with diabetes education. So......

There are 3 main goals I'm focusing on this summer:

1. Recognize lows. Sometimes he's great on this. Other times, he misses them completely. It's not a problem if he's with me, but if he's at a friend's house. Well, you just worry more when he doesn't catch them. When he does miss them, we've been reviewing how he felt. Did you feel tired at all? A headache? Hungry? I think it's helping. I hope.
2. Taking his kit everywhere. This is the camouflaged lunchbox he uses to carry his glucose kit in. He also has food and juice to treat lows. When summer started, I would toss these things into my purse, but I realized that Matthew needs to get into the habit of carrying his kit with him. He never minds and we just need to keep building that habit.
3. Know how to treat himself when he's low. Of course, Matthew knows to have sugar if he's low. But sometimes that kid is starving when he drops!! He'd eat the house! LOL! I just want him to have a basic understanding of what to eat or drink and how much sugar he really needs. As many d-moms know, overtreat a high and then you just have to to correct later. Not a fun rollercoater to be on.

Sidenote: This weekend, Matthew was next door playing with his friend. He caught a low (52-- Of course, it would have been nice for him to catch it sooner, but.......), he drank some juice, tested again in 10 minutes and was great (88). We tested an hour later and he was 89.....perfect treatment! Go Matthew!

I was really proud of him for not freaking out. I asked him if he was scared. He said he could tell his mind wasn't working quite right, but he knew to drink the juice and he'd be okay.

As a mom, it feels so good to know that he's learning to take care of himself. God is so good.

Weekly Update

It's been another FANTASTIC week on the home-front. (Well.... we are battling some pesky highs. More on that later.)

Matthew:

1. His favorite classmate came over for a playdate. Both the boys had such fun.
2. I took Matthew and a neighborhood boy swimming yesterday.
3. Matthew is still skyping his friend in Taiwan. (How life has changed since I was a kid.....)
4. He was really happy about his first A1C being 7.2

Tracy

1. I knocked out a bunch of things on my to-do list.
2. Quiet time was pretty good. I'm getting back on track with my bible reading plan and that feels good.
3. Got some school forms filled out. (I've decided to not homeschool math any longer, so I got Matthew signed up for the additional class.)
4. Oh! And of course, our first 3-month check-up went great!

Matthew's Blood Sugar

1. He's had great numbers, except for these crazy spikes at night. We discussed it at the doctor appointment and made some changes. Last night was better. Great, in fact. Hopefully it wasn't just a freaky good night and we actually fixed it! : )
2. Matthew did have a couple lows this week, but all were explained and were easily treated.

Now we're gearing up for a busy week of VBS. Between the extra activity and snacks, it should be an adventure!

You'll Never Believe This!

Yesterday Matthew had his very first hamburger.

Yep, my 9-year-old kid finally gathered the courage to try a hamburger! I guess when you're brave enough to have a least 4 shots a day, you're brave enough to try a hamburger.

Somehow Matthew convinced himself years ago that he wouldn't like one. We kept telling him.....but you like meat.....you like bread.....we'll load it with ketchup....try it. (What pushers we are!)

Anyway, yesterday was the day. (It helped that McDonald's is giving away Shrek watches.)

Verdict: He liked it! But next time, he's going for the kid-size double cheese burger.

First A1C Since Diagnosis

At diagnosis, Matthew was 13.7

Goal: Anywhere in the 7's. (That goal will drop into the 6's when he's older.)

Today's magic number: 7.2 Hurray!!


For those of you that don't know what an A1C is....it's basically a 3 month blood sugar average. The lower the number, the fewer long-term complications. People without diabetes usually have an A1C of about 5%.


When Matthew was diagnosed, his sugar was averaging 370. (Remember, his blood sugar goal is 70-180.)


Now, he's averaging around 154. It would have been even better if we weren't having these late nights highs recently. (We came up with a new Lantus plan.)

AND....remember the steroids? Took his sugar through the roof!!! At his appointment, they told us a 7.2 A1C while on steroids is totally awesome!

On another note, going into the appointment, I was a little concerned about Matthew's weight. He's not gaining. But he's not losing either. Anyway, they weren't worried because he's grown nearly an inch since March! He's 75% on height and 50% on weight.

Still a goofball, but a pretty healthy kid nonetheless!

One other sidenote....our sweet dog Twister is sick again. (Her issues started long before this blog.) We would appreciate any doggie prayers. Here's our fantastic pup! Okay, she's really 12, but she'll always be a pup to us! : )

Conquering Cake

Well......we did it!

Matthew had a birthday party yesterday and we totally ROCKED on the cake! Woo Hoo!

It worked out where I could give him the insulin early, so I gave him 2 units up front. For Matthew right now, that equals 63 carbs.

Once the cupcakes and ice cream were served, I could get a handle on the size and make some quick calculations. They both came to 50 carbs. I added in a few teddy grahams and he was good to go.

Sidenote: Matthew was really surprised when the ice cream was served. We had only talked about cake and he thought he couldn't have the ice cream. He was completely thrilled when I said I had already figured that in. Definitely a good Mommy moment!

Anyway, I checked him 2 hours later, hoping and praying he'd be between 140 and 180. The number was......drumroll please.......

157!

I am so grateful that God is getting us through those situations where you just have to make your best guess.

Matthew and I decided God must be a big fan of cake and ice cream. : )

Making it a Great Day!

It's not even lunch time and it's been a great day already! I've been Little-Miss-Productive.

• Quiet Time
• Treadmill
• Talked to nurse about Matthew's strange highs just before midnight. Even the nurse thought his numbers were a bit odd and asked if he was sneaking carbs at night! But he's not! : ) And we made a plan to increase Lantus tonight.
• Ordered his monthly prescription refills
• Taught Matthew a new song on the piano
• I even showered already! (You'd never think I was up half the night correcting another high.)

Now we're off to lunch and a birthday party. I'm prepping myself for the cake high and hoping, hoping, hoping it'll work out where I can give that insulin early!!

Weekly Update

I'm a little late posting the weekly update because we spent the weekend in San Antonio. Our first roadtrip with diabetes. Overall, it went great!

Here are some highlights of our week.

Matthew

1. The biggest thing for Matthew this week was our trip to Sea World. He had a blast.
2. Then we arrived home to discover that our upstairs air-conditioning is not working. (GRRRR!!!) But of course for Matthew, this meant more adventure since got to he sleep downstairs on the air mattess.

Tracy

1. I was much better about my quiet time this week. I also felt much happier. Hmmm....I bet there's a connection. : )
2. I still did not get on the treadmill once. But........
3. I did sign up for that 5k. My training plan begins this week.
   

Matthew' Blood Sugar

1. In the days prior to Sea World, I had to make some adjustments, but everything seemed to have worked well.
2. For the hotel breakfast buffet, we gave a few units of insulin up front, let Matthew eat what he wanted, calculated his carbs as we went along, then gave the rest of his insulin. Both mornings this worked great. And Matthew loved eating as much as he wanted.
3. Sea World went great. We did have a couple lows. One 70 and one 54. (Yikes!) Gadorade to the rescue!
4. Only 2 highs, and the biggest was on the ride home. Lesson: If Matthew is sitting in a car burning no sugar, he needs a bit more insulin.
5. Oh! One other big lesson learned. On the morning of a trip, I need to give Matthew less breakfast. Before we left, I gave him insulin for a typical breakfast and he was so excited he could hardly eat a thing. But of course, he had all that insulin in him. I fixed it, making mental note for next time.

I'm so grateful the trip went well. But I will say, traveling with diabetes is a lot tougher. It stinks that Matthew can't just grab a treat along the way....carrying all those supplies.....stuff like that.

My hardest moment was at dinner the night of Sea World. We had been there since it opened. Running here. Running there. Sweating in the oh-so-nice Texas heat.

By the time we sat down to dinner, there was a moment when I just did not care what the child ate. I was so tired......I just wanted to give him some insulin, give him some food and pray it matched up.

Of course, I didn't. I got the scale and did the math. Sigh. I don't want Matthew to have to do this at every meal for the rest of his life. It was tiring.

BUT......it was all worth it. Overall his numbers were GREAT!

Our Anniversary

Kevin and I were married 15 years ago today. Wow! It's hard to believe how fast the years have gone by.

One thing I'll say about our marriage, it's always an adventure.


Never more so than the past couple of months. But here we are. In sickness and in health, we're together.

And.....we're trying our best to have fun along the way!

A Day of Rejoicing

I'm really struggling with my priorites lately. I know what I want to do. I know what I need to do. But....I don't. I get into this "checklist" mentality and then my heart is not in the things I'm doing. I lose my focus.

I know the answer, though. I need to get back into living life one day at a time. Rejoicing in that day alone and not worrying about the future.

You'd think Matthew's diabetes would help me with this. I mean, your focus has to be on that one day. Those meals. Those numbers. There's no point in worrying about tomorrow, you just want to work to keep the numbers in range that day.

So why can't I transfer that focus to other areas of my life? Sigh. Truthfully though, I know I can get back in the groove and I'm determined to keep working on this.

I'll never make this a "Year of Rejoicing" if I don't make every day a "Day of Rejoicing!"

SIDENOTE:
Matthew has had some crazy highs lately. I lowered his morning ratio and he was much better at lunch. That was nice to see!

Now I need to tackle his late-day highs. Looking back over his log, I noticed he's in a pattern he had before. My notes show that I increased his lantus and that worked, so I'm going to up his lantus a tiny bit tonight and see if that helps.

A New Attitude

Sometimes it amazes me to think how life has completely changed since Matthew's diagnosis. There was so much freedom that I took for granted.

• I used to sleep through the night.....always assuming that Matthew would wake up.
• At the pool, my biggest worry was about Matthew getting a sunburn.
• And of course, eating was so simple. Matthew could eat any little thing whenever he wanted. No counting carbs. No measuring. No shots.

But life has changed.

And I'm realizing that it's okay. Matthew's diabetes came as a huge surprise to me, but it didn't take God by surprise. He knew that Matthew would face this challenge and He knew that I would have to care for him.

But God has not left our side. He has equiped us to handle this. He's going to be with me every step of the way, teaching me how to care for Matthew. And He's not going to abandon Matthew either. Instead, God is going to show Matthew that the greatest challenges are given to those with the greatest character.

So....I know I'll have tough days to come and I realize that sometimes I'll be downright frustrated, but I'm going to start looking at diabetes differently.

I'm going to try my best to glorify God at every turn and I pray that I can somehow encourage other D-Moms along the way.

After all, this is God's plan for us. And who I am to argue with God?

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jer 29:11

Weekly Update

Although I have had a TERRIBLE cold, it turned out to be a pretty good week. (And I'm feeling much better today, just a little tired from getting up several times last night.)

Matthew:

• His friend,Garrett, spent Tuesday with us and ended up sleeping over as well. (His sweet mom had a migraine, so we had to help!) The boys had a blast!
• Had fun celebrating Kevin's birthday yesterday

Tracy

• Ummm.....I accomplished very little, thanks to my cold. I did manage to clean the house a little.
• Got on the treadmill.....once.
• Oh, I was pretty good with my quiet time this week. Yea!

Matthew's Blood Sugar

• We had a couple of strange numbers, where Matthew went high for no apparent reason. Not sure what that was about, but he's doing okay now.
• Only two lows this week. One was just after swimming and it wasn't too bad.
• We ate out for lunch and dinner on Kevin's birthday AND had cupcakes to celebrate. Matthew went high after lunch (totally weird because we've had Subway several times since diagnosis) but after a little correction, he went down nicely. All other numbers were great.
• One bummer....Matthew had the most shots ever on Kevin's birthday---7 in one day! But get this---not one complaint!

Gotta love that kid!

A Strange Night

So....last night Matthew checked his sugar before bedtime. A beautiful 128. Love that.

But....he still had 2 hours worth of insulin in him, so I decided to give him a handful of peanuts--yes, I measured them. 4 carbs.

I check him 2 hours later. He's at a whopping 269! WHAT?!?!?

(SIDENOTE: This same thing happened one night when my parents were here. Bedtime check was beautiful, gave him a few peanuts and he soared over 250. Very strange because I've given him peanuts at night before.)

I opted not to correct because at night, Matthew's body always corrects itself. Even that "peanut night" when my parents were here, Matthew was 75 by morning. (The exception to this is one night when he was on steroids)

Moving on.....2:30am BS 221 and by 4:30am there was no change. I finally did the correction (hate to give him a shot in the middle of the night) and he came in at 109 by breakfast.

So weird. And it makes me kind of sad. Matthew's body didn't correct itself. Are we moving out of honeymoon? Are his last little beta cells finally giving up?

This is great.....

Found this on another blogger's website. LOVE IT!

We're Still Here....

Just wanted to check in and say hi! Both Matthew and I are fighting a little cold, but no big worries.

Fortunately, we didn't get sick until after my parents left. We had a great time with them and now we're ready for summer.

But I am ready for the fun of swimming with diabetes?!?! I've heard terrible stories. Groan.....

I'll take any and all helpful hints for tackling swimming. Hint....hint.....